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Poetry 2005 - Sorted By Date

December 2005

Untitled

I'm hurtin'
When you don't call
When you say you care but don't show it at all
I'm hurtin'
When you don't miss
Don't hug or kiss me knowing I cherish them likely
I'm hurtin'
When you throw in my face that I'm losing my space inside your heart
I'm hurtin'
Cause I cry every night cause you ain't in my life
Like what we had was a lie
I'm hurtin' and I don't deserve it
I'm hurtin', don't say I'm trippin'
I'm hurtin' but is it worth it
To feel I'm waitin' for you, I don't know what to do but I'm keepin' it true cause I'm
hurtin'

Untitled

Jo likes me (may even love me)
But I like Bo,
I'm with Jo, but want to be with Bo,
Yet Bo hardly knows I'm there,
Just sees me as the girl over there,
I want to leave Jo so, but am so scared,
Want to get closer to Bo,
But Jo is just there,
Just one probably,
I don't know how to go...

Don't Break My Heart

Don't break my heart for the damage he's caused
Don't kiss my lips if you really don't mean
The tenderness you bring to them
Don't blame me for his mistakes
I know now that you were never mad at me
I apologize for the pain I've caused you
But don't say you love me when I know you're not over her
I love you too but I've caused you so much pain... I just don't know what to say...
Or what to DO!
Don't stare into my eyes with passion if you won't give me none
Tell me why when you hug me there is no love in it
Tell me why when you kiss me there's no spark you bring to it
Tell me why when you write me letters there's no beauty in the
Don't break my heart when I've just fallen in love with you, don't break my heart When we've
Just gotten started

Should I Leave Or Stay?

Should I Leave?
from this life that has
taken a bumpy road
Instead of a straight and narrow
one?
Should I Leave?
And put life into a new form
of appreciation?
So that my soul can be free and clean
so that I can breath and live
without worry of life
Should I Leave?
Take part in life, be in school everyday, and not worry
about boys
So that I can be myself or
Should I Leave and write, read, and do what I need to
Get from where I am to a future that will reveal my needs?
Should I leave or stay here waiting for what should be destiny for Our
Love or should I Leave?
So I can see the seasons change, my life change, and grow from a
Girl to a Woman from a Woman to an Adult form I to Me
Should I leave love, forget about the past, and focus on the future
Should I leave? Or Stay?

Jazz

Tomorrow I will try to be like everyone else
Everyday I try to fit in but I can't find my place
Where do I belong?
Where do I fit in?
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why am I myself?
I assume they like me for me
Only now, I see
I was only a poor innocent girl who they took advantage of
Tomorrow I'll try my best to be like the rest
To hang around like they do
Someday, "hopefully" tomorrow
I will be able to say, "I'm like you"
I am what you are I may be different in ways
But that's how God made me and I can't change
I hope that I'll be able to be like the rest but still be myself
Tomorrow I won't worry about who likes how I dress or not
Or how I look on a certain day
Now I see that I won't belong as long as I try
I just have to be myself
So tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll get up and I'll dress how I want to
As long as I am happy as long as I'm Satisfied
I can be who I want to be as long as I am Happy
I was born a beautiful baby where I didn't have to impress
Only now, the world is about beauty and how you look
I don't know if I can catch up
I sometimes wish I were someone else
Then I think about kids who can't do the things I can do right now
I am a regular girl I may be out on the streets sometimes but I'm regular there Isn't anything
Wrong with being regular
I go to school every day but I don't get good grades all the time
I want to make my grandfather, my mother, and my whole family proud of my accomplishments
Only so much pain is sitting on my heart
And no one can take it away but me
So, I sit here and I write poetry to take the stress away
Please help me find someone who understands me
TOMORROW HOPEFULLY WILL BE A BRIGHTER DAY!

Untitled

Sometimes it feels as if the whole world is pretending
When really it's the people that live on it
When will people realize that to be where
You want to in life you have to be yourself
I feel so cold on the inside because of what people say
"Oh you're not this" or "you're not that" and here
I am trying to change for these people when really
I should be trying to change for myself

Nothing But Blind

Crawling in the dark decay
searching hard to find my way,
knowing what's expected I'll find
proving to the world I'm nothing but blind.
The color in the world fades fast,
catching onto my life that's already past;
Watch as we move to a slow beat drum,
can a single person understand where I'm coming from?
The smell of loneliness is in the air
watching as everyone passes with an accusatory stare;
the pain felt will not leave inside,
please help me so the feeling will reside!?!
I'm stepping slowly forward on the edge of the vend,
knowing soon my time will be at an end;
I can't help but smile when I see you standing there,
the last beautiful thing on my mind when I fall through the air.
Hold me close before I let go,
I truly don't want to put on this show.
Kiss me, hug me, hold me tight
and please tell me everything will be alright!?!
I love you...please don't keep me out of sight;
please tell me you love me throughout the blinded night...

So Many Things We Didn't Get To Do

Time is running out, soon you'll be only a painful memory.
I can't say good-bye, though we've been kept apart, we've hardly said hello, I want you to know that I love you and I feel what you are feeling inside.
There have been times when the thought of you has driven me insane, I can't stand the thought of life without you.
But I know I must try to go on.
The times I should have stayed for you but I don't know, I know I'll never get another chance because God has already taken you away, The only comfort there is now is that knowing you are in a better place, and finally there will be peace and happiness in your life.
There was so much we didn't get to do!

In memory:
Josh M.

November 2005

Untitled

Sometimes I feel like I'm not his family
Sometimes he can be so insensitive to my feelings and so manly
The only time I saw my father cry was when I got a concussion and went to the hospital
If only he was more hostile
Sometimes I feel like I'm not important to him
When I was little I remember his dad called me " Miss Prim"
He acts like his wife is more important and special
Sometimes I really don't understand him
But if only I could
And if he could just listen to me once and I could just tell him how I felt believe me I would

Are we still friends?

You said we were friends
So why has this friendship come to an end
You said we were friends but we didn't have to talk
You never wanted to talk about what happened between us three and take a walk
Sometimes you'd act like nothing happened
And with other people just start laughin'
You told everyone who she liked
Then lied about it straight to her face
I don't know how you came up with all this and how it came to take place
Then you told us some nasty things
So we freaked out and didn't act like human beings

You flirted with him in class
While being friends with us you committed so many sins you need to go to mass
We can't believe you cheated on Kevoy
We thought he was your boy

Feelings

I want to love you but my heart doesn't want the pain.
I want to be with you but my my soul doesn't want to go insane.
What I feel is that me and you don't belong together
And for me to leave you alone would be hurtful but probably better.
At times I want to cry because I know I am falling and I don't want you to see
My heart aches at the fact that nobody wants to see you survive being with me.
I have hurt in my eyes every time you leave my house
Got my friends and family asking me "what is y'all really about?"
I don't know how but these feelings I have are true.
I'm scared to show people how much I really love you.

If...?

if you were to still love me
would you tell me?
if I need you to hold me
would you hold me?
if you were the only one who could help me
would you help me?
if I wasn't like this
would you want me?
if I was good enough
would you take me?
if I was really and truly sorry
would you forgive me?
if I was to tell you
I love you...?

I Remember

I remember...
the day we met, and how nervous I felt
I remember...
the first time you kissed me "a feeling so amazing"
I remember...
when you said you loved me, and how scared I became
I remember...
how it felt just to be with you, letting go and being myself
I remember...
feeling safe, when ever you were near
I remember...
being so afraid that I might hurt you "I'm sorry that I did"
I remember...
feeling so scared that I might lose you, and even more when I did
I remember...
when I told you "I can't do this" and "goodbye"
and I remember...
that it was the biggest mistake I ever made. "forgive me, I love you more then anything"

Feelings

this feeling
it's unbelievable
it's unreal
unchangable
and untouchable
unreachable, I'll never feel like this again.
and the thought of never feeling
loved
beautiful
or amazing
leads me to another thought
the difference between life and death
of now and back then
and being next to you
instead of here at home all alone
I can't make these feelings stop!

You

what is it about you?
how do you make me feel so good?
when I'm with I feel amazing, beautiful,
wanted and loved!
what is it about you?
how do you do it?
because of you I want to live.
because of you I want to be a better person!
what is it about you?
it's everything.
it's all of you!
how do you make me feel so good?
you believed in me!
what is it about you?
how did you do it?
you loved me and that gave me life
I love you!
I love you and I don't know why
I love you so much it hurts to cry
you made me want to live not die
so why did we have to lie?
I don't want to be alone
if only you would've known
how much I love you
why couldn't we just start over new?
I really do care
and I'm sorry I wasn't fair
it didn't last
now I want to erase our past
and few
are the thoughts I want to have of you

September 29/05

the tears keep rolling
my fears are unfolding
in the mess of it all
my heartbeat will fall
I'll be thinking of you
and in the end you'll think of me too
nothing left to live for
today I'll be no more
no longer the one you once dreamt about at night
no longer the one you once loved
no longer the one you once longed to hold tight
no longer the one once here for you
and I'm no longer the one who once loved you!

Lost!

I had this dream
I don't know what it means
you and I were there
only you didn't really care
it felt so good
I didn't know it ever could
it was only in my head
soon I will forget and this feeling will be dead
that day is getting near
but for as long as I am here
I will love you till the end
even if my broken heart never mends

Is It Real

if it's real.
will this feeling last forever?
if it's real,
then why are we not together?
if it's real
for me and not for you, you'll move on and will I ever?
if it's real,
then I love you and I hope you feel as I do too

What Am I

what am I
you ask
I'm the outsider
a loner

what am I
you ask
I'm a lover and a hater
I'm a little girl
running from her past

what am I
you ask
I'm an indian
I'm a princess
of my own tribe

what am I
you ask
I'm the person
my parents made me
I'm a girl
hoping to be loved
but afraid of rejection

what am I
you ask
I'm me
the reader
the leader
the lover
the hater
I'm a soul
afraid of the ever after

what am I
you ask
I'm the pain-filled teen
the heartbroken girl

what am I
you ask
I'm the wind princess
the ocean queen
and the fire baby

what am I
you ask
I'm the wolf-maiden
the butterfly dancer
I'm many things
but mostly
I'm just plain
ME

I Was Afraid

When I first saw you,
I was afraid to meet you,
When I first met you,
I was afraid to kiss you,
When I first kissed you,
I was afraid to love you,
Now, that I love you,
I'm afraid to lose you!!!!

Love Me

Be the one I adore
Be the one I live for
Be with me all the time
Feeling happy 'cause you're mine
Love me for just being me
Be proud of me for not smoking weed
Laugh at all my stupid jokes
Wait patently to meet my folks
Making sure I go to class
Being happy if I pass
Trusting me with all your heart
Treasuring the moments we spend together
Being in your arms hoping to be there forever

Never

Never say I love you
If you don't care
Never talk about feelings
If they aren't really there
Never hold my hand
If you're going to break my heart
Never say you are going to
If you don't plan to start
Never look me in my eyes
If all you do is lie
Never say hello
If you really mean good bye
If you really mean forever then
Say you will try to never say forever
Cause forever makes me cry

Heartbreaker

Times are changing
Fast his decision comes to the surface
Pulling the frightful answer on you

My heart stops beating holding its breath
It comes through to me unwanted
Slowly my stomach lets go

The stinging sensation fills my eyes
Blue teardrops fall from my brown eyes
Silently crying into the darkness of hell

My heart that was so big begins to break
Breaking slowly I become insecure
Questions come and become bothersome

Not his name but what I call him
He for now I call my heartbreaker

It's Called Life

What you see is what you get
But I'll bet
It's not true
They're lying to you
You can't take back
What you already said
In our lives
We've all known
How it feels
To be all alone
Individuality
Is what makes dreams
As we grow some things fade
And some things become clearer
Some things die
And some things go on living
Build strength
Be a warrior
Best friends come
And best friends go
Some are better
And some are worse
It takes two
To see it right
Heart breakers
They can make you cry
And make you bleed
Some times even die
Your imagination
Can take you places
Your heart
Is the most important part
It tells you what to feel
And how to deal
You can't break a heart
You can only break a soul
When you want something from life
Don't give up
Till you've got
What you want
Follow
Your heart
Sometimes you have to look farther
Longer
Harder
To see what lies beneath
Simple things aren't always as
Simple as they seem
Remember all the good times
Bad and the sad
Remember all the times
That make your life complete
We've got all our lives to live
So let's get this over with
Think of the dead
Old and new
Its sad
But true
You have to learn your way
Through this maze of life
Tears are shed
Laughter is heard
Life is a gift please don't chuck it
Life never stops
Go on with it

Untitled

William caught a bass
Shai never gets mad

People say Ronny got a big head
Ms. Christenson says, "I said"

Stephanie sometimes gets sad
I tell her to get glad

Makayla could really singStephan can't really sing

Justin is Lee's friend
Mariah is Brittney's friend

All this happened in the classroom
My favorite classroom with the best teacher

In The Classroom

Untitled

Breathless as you look into my eyes
speechless with a heart that's undisguised

eyes closed as you kiss me again
not being with you is to me a sin

Its not about the money you make
Because this is my heart that's at stake

If I knew exactly what would keep us together
I would do whatever it took because I want to be yours forever

My heart was beginning to feel as heavy as lead
Then I met you and my heart seemed to soften with every word you said

I hope that every day from here until the end has some part of you in it
Because there is a spot in my heart that you perfectly fit.

Sorry

I'm sorry for the friends I choose,
I'm sorry for the grades I make .
I'm sorry for having the teenage blues,
I'm sorry for the life I made.
I'm sorry for the thing I've done,
I'm sorry (to you) I had so much fun.
You're one to talk about life being so "PERFECT."
I'm sorry for the way I am ,
I'm sorry for the way this earth is.
I'm sorry for the words I say .
I'm sorry for breathing each day.
I'm sorry Mom, for not being you,
and everything you do.
I'm sorry... Wait, I'm not sorry .
Because I can only be who I AM.

It's Not Fair

It's not fair how you won and I lost,
It's not fair how my parents got their bills but it didn't say the cost.
It's not fair how many people have to live life on the street,
It's not fair how they rarely have anything to eat.
It's not fair how we choose our presidents by a popularity contest,
It's not fair how I have to work hard and they don't ever try their best.
It's not fair how people have one very short life,
But most people cut it down further by the swing of one single knife.
I'm telling you life's not always fair,
One false move one false step and you're out of there.

Untitled

It's not like I'm in love with you
I just want to talk to you
I want you to hear me out on this
Because every night is so cold
Without someone to hold me close
But I'm not saying I want it to be you
I just need to feel something more
Every other thing has been done before
I want to matter to someone
I want to be special

Suga Daddy

He was my suga daddy, I loved him to death
Always put him above the rest
More mature then lil boys, he made them look like lil toys
His job was legal, his head on straight
And showed me mad respect when I said wait
Brought me things, took me places
Keep me looking good, gave me mad big faces
Two years going strong, then suddenly it went wrong
Like Usher he wanna burn, said my head was wasn't right and that I needed to learn
But that wasn't true ecause was mature, he just wanted out and that much I was sure
And when he said goodbye I wasn't mad, didn't cry cuz I wasn't sad
But sometimes I do miss my suga daddy
For all things he did and all the things he showed me
I was his Bonnie, he was my Clyde
And in a blink it all unraveled and our love just died

Untitled

I can't help
I can't help who I love, so I cant help that I love you
My heart cries for you, and my feelings are true
I told you before, but you just pushed me away
Tears fell from my eyes for you, day after day
I'm sorry if I'm being to real, but the heart can't help how it feels
I believe you're at the end of my path, and I don't want my chance to pass
Emotionally and Spritually we belong together
Ride any storm, and make it through any weather
I can't help who I love, so I cant help that I love you
I want you so bad I don't know what to do
Should I just give up, and end that here?
But losing my chance for our love is my biggest fear

Untitled

Love is a stong word
many people miss use it
But when I say I Love someone
I really mean LOVE
not the butterflies in
your stomach
love the real
meaning

Untitled

I loathe you with a vengeance.
I have jealousy deep within my soul.
I hate how you think you're better than me, stronger than I.
how can you just stand here and look straight into my eyes
and say that you're my friend.
how dare you!
talking behind my back.
making false accusations .
what happened?
once we were friends.
now we are sworn enemies.
we can never go back, to the good times.
don't even try.
no forgive and forget.
you have taken advantage of me for the last time.
good-bye.

Loneliness

it's empty
no one's here
I'm falling down an endless hole
"somebody catch me"
no one answers
I'm all alone
the room is dark
"somebody save me"
no one answers
I give up
then he comes
the light shows
he grabs my hand
I try to let go
he grabs harder showing that somebody loves me
I wake to realize he was there, all along, holding me tight
never letting go
someone is there to catch and save me
I smile and tell him "I love you." he grins. I begin to
laugh at his remark.
we go to bed, I'm in his arms
I feel the warmth and love emanating from his hold
we fall into deep slumber
Pleasant Dreams

Up And Down

I'm up I'm down, I make my way around
when I'm up everyone's down
when I'm down no one's around,
everything I do
always seems to hit rock bottom
I'm gonna try to make my way
I'll reach the top day by day

Every Day

Every day I search for you
my wandering eyes and my melting heart
I want to ask you but you're so surrounded
ever since we've been here, everyone's been all over you
I can't stand it!
Especially perfect Alicia!
She wears makeup
She wears dresses
She likes football
Yeah right!!
She's a jerk! Why can't you see?
She's gonna steal you before you get a chance to ask me!
Three long years I've waited for you,
and what do I get?
A whole lot of !!!
I want to ask you
but what if you say no?
Garrett I love you!
Please come home.

Untitled

He came into my life
Knocked me off my feet
By one sweet word, Rose
A flower it's all on its own
With black and blue
Amazed by my beauty
Our eyes meet that neither one of us could resist
That's when I knew his love would embrace me
Visions of him and me was painted across the sky
Just like that it was all gone.

Untitled

In this same spot in this same chair,
your eys always filled with an unexpected glare.
I stand here feeling nothing but dispair, yet then again who said it would be fair? I wanna speak up! But do I dare? Do I really wanna know the feeling I share? What do I care, cuz yet here I am in this same spot in this same chair, wanting to go, wanting to care, yet for some reason I go nowhere.

I sit and stare in to my own world of confusion, most of the time it's all an illusion. I sit behind the plated glass, and I watch as my life plays pass.

I want to go , I know I care, it's just the point of getting there.
There where? Where would there be? Me where I wanna be? And yet see, I'm in this same spot, in this same chair thinking about over there. And yet still pondering just where? Do I dare to leave these thoughts right here on this very chair? Or will I just sit, think and stare? I'm wanting to go, I want to care, wanting to leave this tangled chair, but for where? So I just end up back to nowhere.

It Is Called Lif

life is fun when you get to see the people you love
and more friendships blooming. It feels like spring even though it's winter time.
Some people would say that love is in the air I say love is all around you. No matter where you walk or where you go you see that love is in and all the way around you. A lot of people would tell a girl that she is pretty. But if that one girl has been through so much in her life she finds it hard to see her beautifulness which to her was on the inside but now it's on both inside and out, she still wouldn't think she pretty. But there would be one person ... just one... and that person would brighten up her day for the rest of her life. Because she feels the same way about this one person as they do about her and that is what always put a smile on her face. And that is life. Everyone goes through it.

Untitled

And so this is the time when I say goodbye
And I'm holding it in so I cannot cry
It's my gift to you
Your freedom from me
I know you will appreciate it, if not now, eventually.
So it's over, ended now, so should the tears
But they stick to my face
My sticky cheeks
Salty with the emotions
My tin heart leaks.
You just have to know when to give up a bit.
And I was wrong, I know
This much I admit,
But I didn't do it all
We could have still wished
But you still had my beating heart in your fingers
In mine, and you squeezed it, bruised it,
By design would have made or broken it with more time
Sometimes I wish I had the chance
I miss you, hate you, need you, fold you,
Hold me, put you back, find your way back around to me.
It can't happen now, anyway, it's pointless
I made the mistake.
But it's nice to fake, to find easy escape
And pretend you once and still loved me.
And I care, and despair
And I ache in the night
For a warmth for a hand
For arm to be stroking in life
And this distance in both the body and mind
Is eating me alive and ripping me up,
From the inside.
And breakups were never giggles and laughs
But those relationships were never meant to last
A long time
For all of time.
And not that it matters, but just for the record
If you ever need to crash and burn I am here
I will pick up your pieces and nurse you back to health
The offer is open though I know what you fear
And you needn't come close or near me at all
Just know I'll help, I'll break your fall
And that some nights, if you are lonely,
You can think of me
And know that in that instant, that second, every moment
I was dreaming, am dreaming of times when I was a we
And you were there, as the love of my life
And the other half of me
Though now we are skiing and risking and we've hit some heavy rocks
And we are falling, denying, fighting our pains
And even though we are different, it hurts just the same..
And a kiss and a hug would heal us but make it so much worse
If love is the answer, than the solution is the curse
Kick me when I'm down
I let you down
I deserve the pain
I made our tears fall like Hell's rain
Yes, unintentionally but you wept just the same
And I hurt you, and broke you,
And made you feel as though you were lame
But I still love you, though I hate me
And I know I know I'll never be good enough
For you to love
So I'll go to make this so much easier
In the long run.
I swear.

October 2005

I Wish

I wish you would call me
I wish every day,
I wish I could tell you
I wish I could say,


How your smile is
And how your eyes are
The way you say my name,
You are my shooting star.

It's a new feeling,
One I've never felt
My heart beats fast
It makes me want to melt.

I know you don't feel the same
I understand completely,
There's only one thing I ask
And that is please don't hurt me

I will always be loyal
And I will always be fair
Even though I may get mad
I will always care.

Here's a goodnight hug
And a good morning kiss
You're the one come true
You're my only wish.

Love

Do you love me
or do you not?
You told me once
but I forgot!
So tell me now
and tell me true
so I can tell you
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Of all the guys I've ever been with
your the one I'll never forget
And if I die before you do
I'll go to heaven and wait for you
And if you're not there on judgement day
I'd know you went the other way
I'd give the angels back their wings
risk the loss of everything
just to prove my love for you
I'd go to hell to be with you

Highway 465

I found myself driving in circles going down 465
Got lost while all the other cars did the jive
My mind kept racing as all the cars raced by
Exits kept coming and going and all I did was sigh
All the cars knew exactly where they needed to go
Each car going in and out of lanes just going in flow
The dance they did seemed to be perfectly in sync
I was too scared to take an exit afraid I might sink
Car after car found the right exit to take
I kept going in circles being the only fake
Acting like every move I made was the right one
Singing to my own tune acting like I was having fun
Where was the exit that said my name plain as day
There has to be somewhere that I fit, where I have a say
How did all the other cars know exactly what to do
I couldn't be the only confused one, there had to be a few
I'm still driving in circles around 465
Getting lost and further confused in the jive
Cars speed by on the highway dancing their dance
When I find my exit, I'll finally take a chance

Untitled

words turn into promises, promises turn into lies
lies turn into tears, tears turn into cries
crying makes you think about all the good times you've had
not having something you've had makes you upset or sad
sadness turns into depression, no one wants to be depressed
thinking about all the things in your life gets you really stressed
people tell you not to worry, things will be okay
they don't know what you're going through, they don't know what to say
when things are finally realized, your anger has turned into hate
when they finally try to help you, they're already too late.

They Lost Their Lives

They lost their lives, their lives indeed.
They lost their lives to set us free.
They tried to save us
But the others betrayed us.
The towers fell as the people yelled.
They lost their lives, their lives indeed.
They lost their lives to set us free.

We want our land to be free, free from terror.
We are fighting a tough fight, but we have lost a lot of lives
They lost their lives, their lives indeed.
They lost their lives to set us free.

In remembrance of September 11th, 2001

A Lesson from Cinderella

at first, I thought it was truly meant to be
no more crying eyes and sleepless nights for me
something sturdy for once to cling to
I never thought this would become of someone like you
then it all came downhill
your warm embrace felt more like a chill
lies and empty promises rolled off your tongue like honey
now you might think this was funny
but each hit me like a punch to the face
never could I think you were a disgrace
but lo and behold you turned into yourself
and once again put my love upon a shelf
I once trusted you, once loved you
that's one thing now that's so far from true
you took my breath and my heart away,
from the things I loved I began to stray
but just like fine china, I'm so easy to break
I would never have guessed you were such a fake
now I have learned once and for all
that guys like you will make me fall
I wish tonight on a shooting star
to take your love and throw it far,
to help me find someone just right
as I gaze upon the sky tonight,
let this be a lesson to the young and reckless
never wear your emotions out on a necklace,
because guys are jerks, that you can never trust,
but of course if you must,
find a guy that likes you for you
and won't hesitate to slip on your glass shoe

Do You Remember

Do you remember the words I said when we were just about to part that meant basically I'll always be your girl and you'll always have my heart.
"I love you no matter what and I mean it to this day. I mean I like everything about you. The way you walk, the way you talk, the things you do, the things you say.
And it's all your fault for being yourself and making me love just you alone. Listening to Mario "Let Me Love You," one of my thinking-about-you songs.
I don't know what you did to make me love you for only two years straight. Am I really in love or am I sprung? Tell me can you relate?
It broke my heart into millions of pieces when I first saw you with that girl. But I know one day or one clear night it'll be us two against the world.

Destiny

You can't pick your family
Or even your destiny
But after that
Your life is full of choices

Choices to be
Whatever you see
Suitable enough for your honors

Your choices reflect
Your destiny though
So what did I mean in the beginning?

I meant what I said
In the beginning I did
About you not being able to choose your destiny

What I didn't say
But rather secretly state
Is that the struggle
In between
The beginning and end
Are the choices you made to get there

You'll Never Know

You'll never know how much I've liked you from the start
You'll never know how much I think I hear your heart
You'll never know the hurt when you said you had a girl
Or the thought of everything I thought I had in this world
You broke my heart with the simple thought that said I can't
You'll never know how much I need my well-deserved rant
You'll really never know the pain that you have caused
And how long it's been since my heart has paused

for Josh

Exhaustion

This exhaustion I feel
Is becoming ever so real
As sleep runs away

My Angel

Who may that be,
That watches over me.
The Godsend from up above,
To watch over and show me love.

I couldn't see the light,
For it wasn't bright.
You came around,
And didn't let me down.

I was so sad,
Yet you made me glad.
I almost let go,
Until you gave me hope.

Alone, I used to be,
And now you're here with me.
To let me be me,
I cherish thee.

Where there are smiles around,
You can be found.
I know you care,
Because you're always there.

As long as you're near,
I have no fear.
For in my heart you will remain,
This can never change.

September 2005

Untitled

Hopeful thoughts in my mind, have yet to exist
falling deeper and faster

it's all about to go up from here
I'm going down,
being thrown all around

this challenge hangs over my head
to try to be everything you
want me to be

you try to make me "happy"
you try to make me "perfect"
but everything you try...
is definitely less than perfect.

I try to be me,
I try to find myself,
in everything I say and do,
I never know if my wish
will ever come true.

you may think how you act is right,
you may think what you're doing is right,
but everything is our world is less than
reality.

all our hope can be a waste,
with all these problems that we face.

we may dare to dream a dream,
but all we dream of is a perfect life
and all we get is fear of not reaching our goal.

we dream for peace,
we dream for life,
but if we may,
should we dare dream for love.

Invisible

No one ever sees you but one person does. You think that you're all alone but you're not 'cause the other person sees you it doesn't matter when someone doesn't pay attention all you know is that one person in your life is right there with you and when you feel like you're being ignored you're not

Untitled

To whom it may concern my life has been like darkness its been like hell. To whom it may concern you think life isn't easy it's not. To whom it may concern I feel like I'm following my shadow. To whom it may concern.

The Love Poem

Today I saw you again,
I heard you laugh again
I cried because I knew you would never be mine
It happens every time I hear you speak,
I feel my heart pulse and my mind races.
I wish you could know that this poem is for you
Yet, I couldn't bear to be rejected.
Even so, I wish for you still and in my dreams you're mine.
I thank God everyday for just letting me know you,
And I think of you constantly.
Just to imagine your smile makes my heart beat faster.
But if you knew this poem was meant for your ears
I would waste my breath denying the truth.
And the truth is
I Love You.

Determination

The sky is dark and forbidding.
The wind screams its warning.
But She just keeps going.
She goes through all weather.
She runs no matter what.
She will never give up for anything.
She is a protector and a guardian of dreams.
Nothing will get in Her way .
Nothing will stop Her.
Her name?
Determination.

Finally

I finally saw the pain in your eyes.
I finally saw past the happy lies.
I finally saw what you saw all along.
I finally realized that something was wrong.
You've finally opened my eyes and I see.
How life for you was a misery.
I finally discovered what made your life bad.
And what I discovered made me so sad.
The person that was destroying your soul.
Was me, and my words, we were eating you whole.
It was me and my words that hurt you so long.
I finally realized that I'm what was wrong.
It was too late when I decided I would be fair.
I finally saw, but by then you weren't there.

Teddy

Teddy is the one I can always count on.
He is really a lot of fun.
I really think Teddy could be the one.
He likes me for me.
We were meant for each other.
It is something everyone can see.
He is really the only person who can understand me.
Teddy is the one I can always count on.
He is really a lot of fun.

Is Pain

A flower to bloom was our love,
A voice to be heard was our love,
A gift from the gods was our love...

A healer of all was your touch,
A soother of tears was your touch,
An eraser of fears was your touch,
has it all disappeared in our love...

Robbed of you is my pain,
Robbed of love is my pain,
Robbed of truth is my pain,
forgotten and abused is our love...

Yes, cause you walked away and that is pain...

Missing You

It has been sometime since you went away,
knowing myself I ain't "okay".
Tears still fall from my face,
and my heart began to race.
I just can't take the pain I have inside,
but no one understands, so I have to hide,
Don't you see me? Are you blind?
I know you feel it, please don't deny.
What do you want me to do?!
Cause I'm sitting here Missing You.

Four years has passed us by,
I still love you and I won't lie.
I believe you are the guy,
that my love will never die.
I see you often, but your heart ain't here,
I wonder if I can do anything to get you near.
What do you want me to do?!
Cause I'm waiting here Missing You.

You Can't Help Who You Fall In Love With

Who you fall in love with is really up to you,
Age or size don't matter,
It's just something people do,
Love is unexceptional never to be broke,
Love will never sink it was made to float.

People try to come between you,
It's just something people do,
Just turn your back on all of that
Who you fall in love with is really up to you.

Sick

Sick in the heart,
sick in the head,
I don't even want to get up out of bed.
Tired of guys,
tired of school,
I just don't know what I want to do.
Guys will say yes,
then say it's over,
While I'm crying without a loving shoulder.
Time to start over,
do the same thing again,
Wait, instead I'll forget about them.
Go on with my life,
without any guys,
School will be easier without all the lies.

Untitled

He's the one I'm after.
So tall brave and handsome.
My friends say he likes me.
I don't think that its true.

He knocks me off of my feet.
He is just the guy I'm lookin' for.
Tall with brown hair.
Hazel eyes that change into blue,
When he's shy.

A girl next door,
That's who I am.
And that other girl likes him.
Two years older is just perfect for me.

(This is where we break it down)
She says he's hers.
Oh... Give me a break.
He's cute as honey.
And so sweet and funny

He's just the guy I'm lookin for.
His shoulder shall be my pillow.
He knocks me off of my feet.
And I keep comin' back to him.

He's just the guy I'm lookin for...

Untitled

If all that I wanted was everything I got
Would this still suck, would I still be angry and unloved?
Sure, I know the message
Jesus loves me.
But tonight, I'm not feeling Him here.
My teenage angst isn't the full-blown pain of someone else's heart
but it's my ragged emotions, and they're tearing me apart
just the same.
This pity party is the same old song,
but I still despise and I still have to go along
or I fall hard.
The softly spoken words in the dark were just lies,
and that look on your face was just illness in disguise.
Well, I still hate you, this, and this ache is spreading fast.
I don't understand why I can't win this
I'm still coming in last
And I'm leading the race.
It's unfair, I know, the world's against me.
but isn't it always
on all my bad days.

August 2005

Have You Ever Been in Love

this is to those who write
about being in love
falling in,
falling out of,
being in,
wishing you were in
love.
this is to those who are
creative enough to write
yet cannot
title what they've
written.
this is to those who
only write about love
like they've
experienced it
themselves.
this is to those who
write not for themselves
but rather
to be "cool"

Untitled

The sun shines so bright
I can't wait till night.
I stand tall
When I go to the mall.

Adventure Buddy For Life!

You've been with me through my ups and my downs
We even share the same fear of clowns.
If we had to fight zombies, you'd be right by my side,
Every journey with you has been one heck of a ride!
I've never met anyone so fun and so daring,
Yet at the same time, so thoughtful and caring
You've played such a role in cracking my shell
Even though in the beginning, I was such a pill
I love when we share lines from our favorite show
And how we crack up whenever Homer says, "D'oh!"
You showed me that being yourself can be cool,
By singing great tunes while riding a stool!
I'll never forget how we jumped out of a plane
And swam in the ocean at night while it rained!
There's never a time with you where I don't smile
I know that our friendship will last quite a while.
You get so excited when I cook you noodles,
Shoot, I can't think of a good word that rhymes with noodles!
You're never afraid to go outside the line
And your favorite topics involve poop and room 9!
It hasn't been long but we've both done so much
There's nothing in life that we wouldn't touch!
I look forward to more adventures with you still,
My buddy Joey Jo Jo, you're truly one in a mil!

What Happened To Us?

My love for you was so very strong,
unfortunately we weren't meant to be.
I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong,
I wish that you were still with me.

We could've still been together,
inside I feel like I have died.
My dream was to be with you forever,
so many nights I have sat here and cried.

I'm sitting here looking at the phone,
even though I know you hate me now.
My fear now is that I'll die alone,
I wish things could be the same as before somehow.

Just know that you will always be in my heart,
I never thought we'd be apart.

Wife of the War

the lonely nights, and empty days.
It's too much to bear,
when you're away.

I sit and wait,
what will I do?
come home soon,
for I miss you.

I sit alone,
as days go by.
I pray to the lord,
I pray to the sky.

until you come home,
at night I cry.

Care

You tell me one thing but you stay doing another;
I'm sick of dealing with your stuff and being undercover;
So you say you got the answer that everything is fair;
But the truth of the matter is you just prove over and over that you just don't care;
Caring--meaning that yeah, you'd always have my back;
But you know what? Now I don't even know if that's a fact;
To care it's not just a word you say, it's a feeling, an expression not just a simple word like "hey."
Time after time i believe the lies and time after time I cry the same cries.
I have to get over the fact that you weren't real.
And that you just missed out on a one in a lifetime deal.;
When you realize that you missed out on me and what I had to share;
Then you'd finally notice that I'm the one now who doesn't really care.

Untitled

I have so much hurt,
Only caused by you.
Maybe one day you will know
But for now I love you,
I don't know how
You disapoint me so
You make promises you don't keep,
So why should I love you?
Because you're my dad and I want to be with you

Sometimes

sometimes we argue
sometimes we fight
sometimes I'm wrong
and sometimes you're right

sometimes you yell
sometimes I scream
sometimes you give me nightmares
and not only when I dream

sometimes you're honest
but sometimes you lie
sometimes I make you laugh
and sometimes I make you cry

sometimes I love you
and want only the best
and sometimes I want to choke you
and put holes in your chest

I guess this is love
this thing that I feel
maybe it's not
but just maybe it's real

through thick
and through thin
and till death do us part

we're in this together
because only you
have the key to my heart

Hodori

Hodori, you're so fine,
you're so fine, you blow my mind
rice, veggies, noodles, too
most for me and some for you

Put it in a hot stone pot,
Stir it up and eat a lot,
Wash your hands in the metal cup,
or do it right and drink it up!

Hodori, you're so fine,
you're so fine you blow my mind
Condiments and yummy meat,
You're my favorite place to eat!

Free Verse Poem

I close my eyes,
and see your face,
then dream about
your warm embrace.

Your gentle touch
your tender eyes
my mind and body,
now hypnotized.

These dreams of you
fill my head
when I awake
these dreams are dead.

July 2005

Staring

Staring into space
Without a trace
Of where you've been
What you've seen
Who you've met
It's like a dream
Only your eyes are opened wide
Allowing you to see anything
That comes to mind.

Your mind is fragile
But yet strong
Vulnerable to your imagination
Soaring like a bird in the sky
Free and eager
To face what it is approaching
Then your mind becomes fragile
To reality
And in a matter of seconds
Your fantasy can disappear
Leaving you with only a slight image
In which you can visit if you dare.

Silence

I hate silence it's everywhere it's here, there, just
everywhere to stop it stop the violence and there will be no more
silence.

Free

When I look into the sky
I wonder what I see
I just make a soft sigh
About what it would be like to be free
To have no more troubles
To glide amongst my own
In the sky with many bubbles
To see how much I've grown
To have the chance to be alone
For I am the one to let go
Cause there could not be another me in a clone
For in the night darkness I would glow
So let me be free
Cause I am the only ME!!

Wounded

Dear agony,
This pain in my heart gets harder to handle everyday
but I can handle it. Mom says it's nothing to worry about but
I just want to be in my own world with no problems and nothing to worry
about. But then I will be trappted in a box trap held in by my own sins and
I don't want that to happen to me I need help, I want to do it on my own
but I let friends in and I cant leave them out I belong in my own world
my own world of lovely music. Music that flows in the wind sweetly softly
singing me to sleep.

Untitled

That feeling that I had.
Whenever I was with you.
I want it back so bad.
It was like a dream come true.
I don't know if you felt the same way.
Or if you want it back too.
I think about you ever day.
I wonder if you do.
I wish we hadn't grown apart.
But there's always a place for you here in my heart.
I wonder what it would be like if we were still together.
But I guess that's all I can do now.
Dream and wonder forever.

LIFE

IN LIFE THERE ARE SO MANY MISTAKES WE MAKE
AND LESSONS WE MUST LEARN
ONE WORD GIVEN FROM A STRANGER CAN HELP YOU MAKE THE RIGHT TURN
IF YOU LISTEN CLOSE YOU CAN HEAR LIFE'S MESSAGE
OPEN YOUR EYES AND RECEIVE A BLESSIN
LEARN THAT YOU CAN OPEN THE DOOR AND LET PEOPLE IN
BUT ALWAYS BE READY AND PREPARED TO DEFEND
SOME THINGS YOU'LL NEVER NEED IN THE END
NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS
BECAUSE YOU ARE STAR
REMEMBER AND BELIEVE THIS AND YOU CAN GO FAR
BE TRUE TO YOUR HEART
BUT LISTEN TO YOUR MIND
WAIT A WHILE AND YOUR ANSWER YOU WILL FIND!

June 2005

Untitled

Was it you that started that rumor about me the other day?
Was it you with those pretty brown eyes that told me you loved me today?
Was it you that called me last night saying I read your note?
Was it you that was faking the whole entire time?
When I'm the one who sat there and took all your lies?
Was it possibly you that did that when I'm the one who believed you?
But was it me that laid my head on your shoulder and you told me everything was going to be alright?
I'm don't want to say it was you I want to be sure it wasn't you but the truth is I really don't know what to believe anymore.
The only thing I still believe was that it was you always by my side holding my hand and when I was down you were always there to make sure I was alright.

What to do,
Where to go,
I don't know...
Should I hide where no one can see me?
Or be as visible as the clouds on a rainy day?
I don't want to be in someone's way,
I don't want to leave a friend in the open by themselves.
What should I do?
I thought I could help,
But so did you.
I guess I couldn't but I tried

What would you do if the one you lost first came back to give you another chance?
What would you do if I told you I liked you but I was just kidding would you feel bad?
I would...
What if the one you've had a crush on since second grade came up to you and said " I really like you...wanna go out sometime?" I would be surprised if my second grade crush came up to me even though I'm not in second grade anymore but what does that matter?
What I'm trying to say is what if you got a second chance at anything what would it possibly be? I can answer that one.

Your my friend always and forever,
I would never leave your side..never
You're my friend you're my girl,
More than anything a guy could ever be.
Hanging out, Sleepovers,
Always here for ya,
Never gonna let you go,
You can cry one my shoulder anytime
or wipe your tears on my sleeve,
But don't ever be afraid to come talk to me.
I am your girl always and forever,
I will do anything for you no matter the favor.
Ask me for advice anytime,
I'm always hear for you to talk to me,
Don't be afraid to look at me and say your hurt,
I go through those times too,
Don't ever let that special guy hurt you,
E...V...E...R...

Untitled

she is a angel
with shades to the eyes
she is angel with wings to fly
out of all the pain her world resides
she cries every night wishing the world was right
but the angel can't die for her wings have not no reason to fly

Lies

You keep telling me you love me,
But how do I know?
You tell me everyday that you love me so.

Yet you accuse me of cheating,
and lying to you,
You have to believe me,
that is something I would never do.

You thinking of me in that kind of light,
Does absolutely nothing but bring tears to my eyes.
The sadness dwells in my heart everyday,
Thinking of how you could leave and go away.

Far from me leave me, leave me alone,
You've done this before my heart needs sewn.
I know we could be happy,
I think we've done it before.

You accusing me of these things,
Makes it hard to bear,
I believe that we could be so much more.

Are you doing something wrong?
Is that why you're so insecure?
When you say "I love you",
Please know that you're for sure!

I know I love you I need you to realize,
How much I've fallen in love with you,
has grown greatly in size!

Please tell em you love me,
and mean it from your heart...
Know that I've never lied to you,
And I don't plan to start.

Love's Senses.

My sweet craving be his love.
If blind I choose to be, he surely wakes mine eye.
Deaf be my ear by will less' his word dare sing.
If be I sensitive tis' his touch that cures my pain.
If roses be adored for sweet fragrance, then a rose shall he be named.
My sweet craving be his love...

Untitled

Yesterday I opened up my eyes and saw the sun setting above my memory.
Today the love I had ran out the door and into the ocean.
It rests in every word you speak and every lie you say.

I want the world to stop spinning and in the middle of nothing
Speak to you about a far off land.
Because we both know we once met in another world.

It was lightning and thunder and you looked down at me, with sparkling eyes of fireworks.
Transparent drops of water all over your golden back.
Don't speak, I already fell in love with the silence.

Too late, once in love, always in love
With the world, with my only world
The one no one knows except you and I

There is always thunder and the lightning never stops.
We will die soon, we will always exist
We will always be in that technicolor world where the silence and the thunder reign.

It all comes in a pattern, a moment of thunder, a flash of lightning, an eternity of silence.
Too late.
I fell in love with silence.

Little Girl

Happy Days when the sun is shinning bright
Catching June Bugs that don't fly so high
Riding four wheels but wanting to ride two.
Crawling under the church seats while
the preacher preach trying to reach the grand prize
the piano keys
Bang Bang Bang Bang
Hey!
Someone grabbed me
Sneaking away from Dad so I could play in Crisco grease.

Whining to mom about the cat's scratch
Secretly knowing kicking it deserved that.
Hearing the dangling keys was a sign to me
Mommies here and every time I hear that sound I look to see if she's around

Oh how I wish I could be three again
So care free when everything intrigued me.

May 2005

Pain is...Whatever You Make of it

Pain
A word sheathed in steel
piercing the heart
leaving it broken and torn
the soul naked
stripped of all things sure
flailing lost in a sea of despair

Pain
A divine blade of wisdom
which opens the heart
to deeper love and compassion
freeing the soul
to shed fear, insecurity
developing courage strength and dignity

Dreaded Smile

I know you don't care anymore
But I think about it all the time
I know I'm just a ghost to you
But if you get the urge to see if I exist...

What did I ever do to you?
But give you my love, my support, and my care....
Who wiped away your falling tears....
who treated you with godly care

Why do you have to be so blind?
and not see the truth straight out
A person who loves and trusts you,
you don't give care about.

I gave you a part of myself,
I lost a part of myself the first time I saw you,
I trusted you fully, and you left me out in the
cold...

I'm always thinking to myself now ..
What did she have that I didn't? What did she do that i didn't give to you?
There couldn't be anything possible in this world that she has that I
Didn't lovingly give you.

My eyes shine with tears when you're
around your new prize,
you lost me and you believe you gained more..You're the fool and I hope you
regret it someday.
I did everything possible in my being, and being myself wasn't good enough for
you.

You preach to me about how you are so godly,
well think about this. Is it godly to break someone's heart in two by your own
choice?
I hope someday your mistakes ring clear, and then you will remember
I held your heart dear

You woulda thought that after the time, the tears, the pain, the space...
You woulda thought I could convince myself I'm over you
Apparently, I forgot to forget you.
Everywere I look, everything I hear, it reminds me of you
How can you still be everywhere in my life
When I'm not in yours?

This is what I think about as I lie in bed
In that space before falling asleep.
I know I'm just that ghost to you
And by now, you've put our memories on some dusty forgotten shelf
But I miss you
And I hope you miss me

I keep telling myself to forget you,....to let you become the past

I know you're not worth it , you and your constant foolish demands....
but when you smile at me that dreaded smile ,I fall right back into your
hands.

You Gave Me Your Heart

You took my heart and ran away
Put sunshine into skies once gray
Put a smile across cheeks once stained with tears
Put love in a heart once filled with fears
Gave me inspiration to write where once was a blank page
Calmed my spirit that was about to have an outrage
Gave me your love when i really needed someone to care,
Gave me your support when I thought life was to hard to bare,
But the biggest thing u ever gave me was ur heart...
Your most precious beautiful part.

Untitled

I don't know my purpose in life.
I don't know why?
To many problems.
The yelling the hate that I cause!
I can't take it anymore!
Why do people hate?
Why do people love?
It causes to much pain!
I don't think I should live anylonger!
I don't do any good.
Why did God place me on earth?
To help?
To cause pain?
To love?
To hate?
What is my purpose?

Take Me Away

The yelling,
the tears.
The screaming,
the fears.

The lying,
two meaningless rings.
The cheating,
and tons of broken things.

The nights they scream,
the nights they fight.
These are the nights,I wish you could hold me tight.

But I know this,
isn't my life forever.
Because I know in our life together,
lying and cheating will be a never.

For our love is different,
far better than the rest.
You my love,
are by far the best.

You have helped,
and you have cared.
Especially on the nights,
that I get scared.

My love for you,
grows everyday.
I'm just waiting for the moment,
when next to you I can forever lay.

When you write,
and I get a letter.
I read it and get lost,
because for that moment everything seems to get better.

And when you call,
and I am sad.
All my thoughts,
are no longer bad.

During the day,
I dream about you.
And baby I cant wait,
to begin my life with you.

So I guess,
what I am trying to say.
Is please promise,
you'll take me away from this drama someday.

( This poem is dedicated to my boyfriend I LOVE YOU baby, and I MISS YOU, and I can't wait till you come home to me. )

EVER????

Ever Cry?
But you're not sure why?
Ever want to let the person who hurt you most feel your pain?
Ever think to yourself "have I gone insane?"
Ever dream you could see the future?
Ever wish you could rewind the past?
Ever wish all your pain would go away?
Ever try to talk but have nothing to say?
Ever think what did I do to deserve this?
Ever hope you'll wake up lying with the man you miss?
Ever believe your closest friendship is all an act?
Ever want to leave and never come back?
Ever been betrayed?
Ever been looked at with great dismay?
Ever been liked but you don't like um' back?
Ever feel you're the one everyone's trying to attack?
Ever want to get help but don't know where to start?
Ever want to tell someone your mind, soul, and heart?
Ever want to get in but no one will open the gate?
Ever wish you could kill the person you hate?
Ever been told something you know is not a fact?
Ever wish you had someone who always had your back?
Ever been in trouble for something you didn't do?
Ever heard the words "we're through"?

Love feelings

When I see you smile the world go wrong
When you touch my hand I can t go on
Everything you do makes me strong
And I know this feeling can't be wrong
When you kiss my lips I go on stars
When you dance with me I feel your heart
Everything I feel is so strong
And it s that which told me where I belong
When you look at me I see the light
When you play with me I feel so bright
Everything we, I wish ride us right
And I know that both of us will win this fight
When you hold my hand and going on
I try to tell myself to carry on
Everything I want I find it on you
But I can t imagine living without you!

When Fate Stops Helping

Life had lost its meaning
Dreams had run away
And though she did not like it
On Earth she was forced to stay.

Her heart was like a fireplace
Where a fire had once blazed
But neither did she know or care
She lived life in a daze

Her soul was a barren field
On which flowers had once grown
It was not nature's fault they died
She killed them on her own

Her body was but an empty shell
Where hope had once survived
But she had smothered all her hope
And it could not be revived

She had passed up opportunities
And was deaf to Destiny's call
Because when Fate stops helping
Nothing breaks your fall

One day insanity took her
Though no one really cared
And even if they could fix her mind
Her soul could not be spared

Smile

A smile can be
Incredibly breathtaking
Like yours, for example
It sent my knees shaking

A simple glance across the room
The way you held my gaze
Sent my head spinning
And left me in a daze

It must have been my imagination
It can't be real, I swear
You didn't really just pick me
Out of everybody there

But you did...unbelievable!
Even though I couldn't see
Why anyone in their right minds
Would consider liking me

So very, very tentatively
I grinned right back at you
Amazing what a simple smile
Actually could do

What Eternity Knew Not

As I heard birds sing,
I looked up past a soaring wing.
I looked past the endless skies
And saw eternity staring me in the eyes.
And strangely, I understood it.

It told me of the depths of space and of the ocean,
And explained to me every thought and notion,
And told me about every enchantment and spell,
But there was one thing it could not tell.
Love was the one thing untold.

For centuries love had puzzled the wisest old men,
And stumped every philosopher from way-back-when.
It made some giddy and others sad,
And confused them all until they went mad.
But if eternity can't explain it, who can?

Years after eternity had looked away,
Long after it had told me what the stars say,
Long after the seeds of knowledge had been sown,
Love remained the only unknown.
If only eternity could have told me.

Untitled

Does it like no one
see it ur way
everyone against u
but its my life gotta keep my faith
gotta keep my head up
strong fellow
all my dreams
its my life
my mind
my future

Untitled

Is there someone in your life that you would give the world for?
And when you seen him kissing someone else your heart tore?
But when something goes wrong would he always seems to make ends meet?
And when you feel bad does he rub your feet?
Then when you were in a bad accident was he there by your side until you were better?
When you gave birth to your first child was he there to hold your hand and talk you through it?
But when he was murdered was you there to see it?
And did you go to court to get the man that killed him behind bars for life?
And now every time you get sick is he still there to confer you ?
Even though he is dead is he your garden angle through and through?
And when you was on your death bed was her there to show you through the gates of heaven?
Yes he was there.

They...

They tell me I'm beautiful,
They tell me I'm cute,
They call me a couple times,
Then give me the boot.
I listen to their lies,
I become sick of it.
I listen to their alibis,
Like I was out with Rick.
I've had enough,
I'll take it no longer.
I'll become tough,
And treat then much harder.
They will not hurt me,
I will no longer cry.
Because now it is my turn to lie.

Untitled

I sit in my room a lot these days.
I sit and think of better ways.
Better ways to laugh or cry.
Better ways to say "Hello, or "Good-bye."
As I sit and analyze,
Something dawns on me and I realize.
There is no better way for the things that you do,
Because the best way is to just be you!

SuperMan

You are a butterfly,
you are the apple of my eye.
You're my one and only love.
You are the number 1 guy!
I will love you till death do us part.
And believe me these words are coming from my heart!
You hold me .
You love me like no one else can and that's
how I know that you really are my superman!

We both love each other as good as we both can, that's
how we got our bond like the wind in a fan!
I can, I can,
for I know that I can ,
for now I am with the greatest man!
My man , superman!

Final Goodbye

It goes right to my soul
You hurt me so bad
But I have to let it go

You will miss me
and regret everything
you did to me

You will finally understand
That I was your everything
right in the palm of your hand

But you let me go
threw me away
Your will never have me to hold

I will admit
you are something
I will never forget

I hope one day
Final Goodbye

It goes right to my soul
You hurt me so bad
But I have to let it go

You will miss me
and regret everything
you did to me

You will finally understand
That I was your everything
right in the palm of your hand

But you let me go
threw me away
Your will never have me to hold

I will admit
you are something
I will never forget

I hope one day
you will hurt
just as much as I did

I wish you the best
of luck in the future
and let the past go to rest
This is my final goodbye.

Untitled

The day he left me I thought it was a joke
I thought he would come back to me but apparently he wont
I wished everyday that he would come back to me
I thought it was a test of are love.
I waited week after week for him to come back to me and slowly realized he wasn't coming.
I still wonder what it would have been like if he would have stayed in my life
But now I realize I should have fought harder to keep him
Cause he was my one true love in disguise
Now I have to go on forever wondering what could have been
If only I was a better girl friend to him

My Feelings Toward You!!!

The emotions that go through my mind everyday for you feels like many hurricanes put into one.
When you touch me the way you do it feels like my body is going through global warming.
The temperature of our love builds up into a coniferous forest.
No matter how mad we are at each other, when our eyes meet it's like a greenhouse effect.
When we are in the same room the humidity between us makes me loose my breath.
The only dreams I have at night is when I think about our love not becoming permafrost.
Our love flows just like the sweet savannas.
You make my temperature rise just by looking at you.
It causes condensation throughout the air.
All the types of weather we produce is amazing.
Before I met you my life was like a boiling volcano waiting to erupt.
Then you came making it feel like an orographic effect telling me to cool down.
It feels like prevailing winds in and out.
There is no way we could live in an area of doldrums.
No matter how hard I try to describe my mixed emotions it's always the same.
Like typhoons, cyclones, and tornadoes all in one.

Beneath It All

No matter what mood you're in
Just a ray of sunshine can make you smile
And even if you feel like screaming
The sun will lift your spirits for a little while
The sun is a warming light
That brightens up the day
And without it, the world would always be
Cold, dark, dead, and gray
The sun's rays shed light
On all the wonderful things in life
So that everyone can have some peace
In their moments of strife
The rays of the sun are like words
From a soothing song
When they shine upon you
It feels like nothing can go wrong
But nothing in life is perfect
Even the sun is not without harm
If you bask in it too long you may find
Darkness hiding behind its glistening charm
There are so many things in life
That are this way
We deal with many of them
Each and every day
Although someone may shine like the sun
And dazzle you with their gleaming light
Remember that beneath it all
Their intentions could be black as night
But, though evil may hide behind good
Things can go both ways
If you always search for the good
You could be amazed
At what you find
So don't be too quick to put up a protective wall
For there must be a little sunshine in everyone
Beneath it all

Dependence

A dependence,
A physical need,
For something.
Anything.
As long as you're there.
Please be there.
With me.
Don't leave me.
Please don't leave me.
My dependence.
My physical need.
My something and anything.
You.
I need you.
Please stay.
Don't leave me again.
Remain speechless,
If you choose.
As long,
As you're by my side.
One thing.
Life isn't worth living with out.
You.
Me.
Dependence.

The Glass

I am imperceptible when it comes to you.
You've cast me out and left me alone.
I am a speck and you, one of the lucky few.
Your callous conduct turned me to stone.

Your break me down until there's nothing left.
Your daggered words are sharper even more.
My own feeble limitations have dug me into debt.
And it aches and throbs deep in my dim core.

I am a glass that slowly slips until it falls.
You are that dim light that shadows me.
I am that disease that makes your skin crawl.
You are my dominator, now set me free.

I am that shattered glass that finally fell.
I am at last released from my dire hell.

I Am Boring

I am bring yet interesting at times
I wonder why people want to conquer over others
I hear music flowing in the background all the time
I see angels flying and singing when I step outside
I want to live in a big house with a nice pond
I am boring yet interesting at times

I pretend I am rich and own a lot of businesses
I feel frightened when it comes to reading out loud
I touch the white soft fluffy feather of an angel
I worry about my future, what would happen next
I cry thinking about my baby cousin that passed away last year
I am boring yet interesting at times

I understand why war has to occur even if that doesn't bring peace
I say no Jesus no peace, know Jesus know peace
I dream of having my own clothing line like Bow Wow or Eve
I try to get good grades and study hard on tests
I hope one day there will be no more fighting
I am boring yet interesting at times

MY Heart

My Heart

Where my heart?
Who does it belong too?
I don't really know anymore

My heart confuse
My heart has a mind of it own
My heart been hurt, shattered into pieces
My heart crying in
Silence
It has given so much energy
And
It hasn't received half of it back

Where does my heart turn to?
There nobody to touch my heart
Where the comfort it had for a while
My heart is in a daze
Realizing
It needs answers
Not just any answers
There specific questions from you
My special someone

If only my heart could hold on
To hope
The hope in my heart has burned out
My heart can't block the pain and
Sorrow
It has hidden
My heart needs that first touch from you
Again

My heart is asking
If we can have another try
My broken heart needs you back
Your humble side
My heart tried moving on with the seasons,
But it's not the same without you
It's only possible for so long

The first kiss with fire crackers
Feeling your soft tender kiss
Long warm hugs
Feeling
Safe in your arms

My QUESTION????
Will I ever find comfort in another person?
Or in you?
All over again!
Will your heart give my heart a chance?
Once again after so long!
Or would I be ALONE for years to come,
Day
dreaming..............
Those unique moments I hand with you
As teenagers

Life

life
life is life
live it how you want
don't change anything about it

it's how you want to live
not how others want you to live

be your self nothing else
it's who god made you to be
lie is life

Untitled

Friend you need my help and I have a hand to spare so
their backs and pretend that your not there
But you can talk to me my friend I have an open ear
Tell me why you cry and tell me why you shout
Come on dear friend let it all come out
And PLEASE my friend if you need a hand take mine
Because if you do everything will turn out fine

What Am I?

a girl that no one wants.
What am i ?
an ugly girl that every one ignores.
this is what i am a girl that needs love
a girl that needs some one to know
she's there and above his or her desire
a girl that is sweet and fun why do i have to
go through this do you?

Untitled

When I see you I smile inside,
Feelings for you impossible to hide.

Thinking of you whenever I rest,
Cupid's arrow shot through my chest.

Feel warm inside when I give you a hug,
People search for a hit of this drug.

A flower blossoms in the start of fall,
Love so BIG, makes you feel small.

Uncontrolled feelings com from out of your sight,
By something told to you on one fateful night.

Untitled

she covers her arm to hide the scar
she remembers someone saying "no one cares who you are"
she bought a ticket and came to the dance
she gave socializing one more chance
she sat in the back from everyone
she fled she cut up her arm and cried as she bled
people kept away as she bled on the floor
tears ran down her face as she cut some more
"what is she doing?" "
how long has she cried?
From all these people that have lied.

April 2005

All I Want In You

All I want in life is to be loved
All I want is a guy who's . . .
Someone tall, dark, handsome, caring or blonde,
Blue eyes.Josh Russell I love you!

Broken

The day he broke my heart.
I felt like my life could just fall apart.
The sun doesn't shine like it used to.
I thought getting older I would have troubles more few.
I guess I'm not good enough.
Or maybe this whole thing was just a bluff.
No more hearts with your and my name.
I guess you could say I'm really sick of playing this game.
All the pictures of you have been taken down.
And all you see on my face anymore is just a frown.
I stay in my room thinking of you all day and night.
But the thought of you just doesn't feel right.
I think of you when I go to bed. My memories of you and I, I can't get out of my head.
Sitting by you on the bus.
I don't want those memories of us to turn to dust.
When I see you I want to cry or I feel like I could just die.
You feel like you left me broken and alone.
Oh how I wish my care for you would have shone.
I would have given you my all.
But it feels like I tripped and you let me fall.
I would have given everything I had.
But you don't even feel the least bit bad.
I hope you're happy with whoever you have. And someday you WILL feel bad. You will be sorry you let me go.
Because I would have always been there but only this you will later on know.

A Different Reflection

Those words that were pure somehow got tangled up in lies.
That bright light that shown turned into night.
And that reflection in the mirror
Turned into a shattered glass on my floor.

Now every time we speak
I cry.
And every time we look at each other
I see a face I have never seen before.

So, it's ok if you want to go away,
it's ok if you never want to come back.
Maybe then I can look in my mirror and love the person
I see looking back at me.

Untitled

The moment has come
wind in your hair
fireworks igniting
stars smiling
the moon dancing
trees whispering
in their hushed voices.
Fairies laughing
music playing
in your ears.
Spring fever
while it's still winter
flowers blooming
birds singing
first kiss.

Untitled

My dreams are not what you would expect them to be!
My dream that I dream every single night
Is only a special dream to me
I bet you would like to understand my dreams,
So come inside, in my dreams you'll be.
Awakened by a strong aroma of some French vanilla latte
Makes you wanna just sip and snuggle next to somebody.
The freshness of the morning breeze across your face,
Slowly drifting you out of place.
Glowing in the shining light,
Life is peaceful
Life is bright!
The day to me is such a delight
Just knowing that you've yet to come
To my way, so we can play
You and I stand side by side
Hands held tight
We glide through the night
The evening breeze feels so right
Underneath the moonstruck glow
Wishing and wanting
And wanting and wishing
To never, ever wake up
Cause as soon as I am up
I open my eyes and take a look up
You're nowhere near me
I'm plain out of luck
I lay back down
To close my eyes
Then you appear to ease my cries
So in my dreams that I dream every day
I'm with my boyfriend
Who's gone so far away.

Shy Girl

The girl's too shy to look you in the eye
Too shy to think or speak.
But as you walk by she starts to get uncomfortable and sometimes even weak.
You give her the eye and she gives you a smile
But as time goes on you know you'll forget about her in a while.
For she is the shy girl who will never be given a chance to shine . . .
For she can barely look you in the eye.

Every Girl's Dream

In my dream I dreamed I loved you
And in my dream you loved me too.
We had the perfect life together . . .
We talked, we laughed, and cried together.
Our days were filled with so much joy that I couldn't imagine
Being with any other boy.
You were the best, for I know it's true, that I wouldn't survive one day without you.
So in the end we had the perfect life together. We talked, we laughed, and cried together.
Will this dream ever come true?
No one knows...but I'm just glad that that boy was you.

May I Pretend?

May I pretend?
That I'm not a girl
And for one moment
Be taught how to fly
I've spent so long
Digging for air
I'm tired of yearning
I need to feel!

May I pretend?
That men look in my eyes
That they see my soul?
That they see my mind?
May I lie to myself?
And lie to the world?
Stand shoulders straight
Proud, not demure!

May I pretend?
That I am not frail
That my yearnings and hopes
Are moving and real
May I pretend?
No? I may not?
If the world cannot change
My yearnings must

I must learn to talk of other things
Boys, and make-up
I must obsess about romance novels
But still
In my dreams
I may pretend

Burning epiphany

Untitled

We started out as friends, then we got close
I gave in our hearts became unified
Knowing someday it would be over
I went willingly

I'm trying to appear strong
You were my first true love and a good friend
Fear was on your mind,
I embraced you with an undying grasp
I still love you

Where are you? You know yourself very well now
My self-involved weakness is pitiful
I swore to be the shining, shimmering star
I reached out my struggling hand
It feels as if an eternity went by
My heart was beating against my chest

You clenched my hand tightly
I've known you for a year
And our time here
Has come to an end
Why did this happen?

Darkness falls, insanity is being deeply
Embedded into the mind, through these eyes
I envision a cognizant dream like no other
The essence of being alive
dedicated to Patrica L.

What Is LuV?

LuV something you should cherish.
LuV is seeing him how no one else sees him.
LuV is seeing him perfectly.
LuV is thinkin' of him day 'n' night.
LuV is when he means the world to you.
LuV is when no one else knows how you feel.
LuV is the best feeling you may feel.

Adopting Myself into a Great Home

I was adopted when I was 4 years old.
I don't know who my real parents are.
They left me when I was a newborn baby.
Acting like they didn't care at all.
I live with my sister Leslie now, in a home where I know people care.
I have six sisters who I know love me, too.
It's hard to think I may never see my real parents again, but I try not to think about it at all.

Dedicated to: My birth parents

Untitled

Tears gently fall to the floor
Tears come down just thinking of you
I can't stop thinking of you
I try and try but nothing works
I know our love is no longer
And we are done forever
But I would do anything
To see you again
To feel your warm skin against mine
To feel your lips against mine
I would do anything for the moments
We once shared together
But I know it is all over now
You love her, that's what you told me
I hope you two are happy together as I once was . . . if I only saved all the tears
I've shed for you I would drown her in them to be with you again . . .

Hello

Tired of crying.
Tired of dying.
Tired of having to say
Good-bye to the one I need.

It seems I'm barely breathing.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just tired
Of hurting.

Hello my darling salvation.
I fear I'm losing you.
I'm not alive, I am simply existing.
What am I to do?

Suicide is not what I require.
Though I want to die.
Harping on my many
Failed attempts to fly
I simply must find refuge.
Where and how
Does not matter to me.
One question still echoes loudest,
Does Jesus still love me?

Hello my darling savior.
I fear I'm losing you.
I'm not alive,
I'm simply persisting.
Am I still a part of you?

Twenty-Five Years

Twenty-five years ago, two hearts united as one.
You were mine and I was yours.
I remember the love we had, a love so pure of heart that nothing in the
world would ever keep the two of us apart.
I remember you saying you would love me until death do us part.
I cherished you and your heart and loved it when you called me your
sweetheart.
You were my beautiful white bride, and I was your husband you said you would
love for all time.
But as so many people do,
Our wonderful family is split in two.
For the power of our love has died, our hearts that used to beat as one, is
Something that can no longer be remembered, to us it is nothing but a distant
memory.
Our family is no longer a whole, but is now an empty soul.
Twenty-five years gone, twenty-five years slipped away, but still my heart
Longs for you and wants nothing more than for you to stay.
Twenty-five years before, twenty-five years later, and we may never find
Another, quite as good as when we use to belong to one another.

Lifeless

He sits there lifeless
broken heart
His dreams are fading away.

He sits there lifeless
he can't get her off his mind
He never realized how much
he needed her

He sits there lifeless
he can't take it anymore
Staring waiting what will he do

He sits there lifeless
the dead silence is broken
Heads turn tears fall

He lays there lifeless

My Hopeless Crush

Standing in the shadows
Listening to the music play
Staring at the dance floor
Wishing you would come and talk to me

I'm walking down the hall
And I see you standing there
And I see the girl you're talking to and I want to scream and yell:

Come on over
Speak to me
Can't you move in closer?
I just want to be with you --
To speak to you.

Untitled

A long time ago I used to look myself in the mirror, and not like what I saw,
hating every inch of my body, face . . . everything.
I understand now that I was looking through the eyes of someone else,
thinking that I was being judged every time that I walked into a room,
because of my looks . . .
Well, I asked myself do I like the way I look,
of course I do, every time, everyday,
and that's what I think, yes I am beautiful,
I carry my beauty everywhere, and like to share it with you!

March 2005

The Reality of Me

I live where no one else knows
Where no one else sees
Where no one else has the ability
to be as real
to learn to grow
to know their needs
Where I live is all about me
what I think
what I want
what I know

I live where no visitors can roam
Where everything is as I please (when I dream)
Where everything is as I see it to be
happy
slow
uninteresting
Where all I want is within reach
my dreams
love
every goal

Where do I live?
a place out of your reach
a place you couldn't dream
where my eyes know
and my mind sees
Where I live is truly unique
Where I live you could never go
(though you have your own)

I live
simply
powerfully
forever
in the Reality of Me

My Own Mind

I walked around not knowing where I'm going
I avoid what I should already be learning
I never wanted to say the truth
How I felt I would hide deep inside
I never wanted to speak a word
I knew I had to step outside
This world I had been so attached to
Was making me into this huge mock-up
It's time for me to speak up
Take this blind off my eyes
I don't want to stay inside lines
I want to see with my own eyes
What have you been hiding from me
I want to live the life you denied
I want to have my own mind

Northeast

Northeast, you are so pretty,
Especially in New York City,
How I love to shop and eat,
But it really kills your feet!
And when I saw that towering statue,
Gazing out on the building-filled sky,
It made me feel so proud and free,
I almost started to cry.
We went to see a Broadway show,
And went to Tiffany's in the snow.
Well, That's my poem about the northeast,
Hope you liked it even the least.

Shopping

Shopping, shopping, shopping,
There is nothing I can do more,
Although you get worn out, and it makes your
Feet sore!
My favorite stores are The Limited and
Claire's,
And I get mad when stuff doesn't come in pairs!
Shop, Shop, Shop,
That's all I can do,
Oooh, is that a new style of shoe?

February 2005

Untitled

A dream into reality
Everything I do is out of tune.
Everything that I ever say comes out the wrong way.
Everyone I ever needed was never there.
Everything I've ever wanted could never be there.
I want to make something of my life, I want to get out and experience new things.
I want to experience something special,
Everything in my life I've wanted to be successful;
Things never turn out that way.
But I promise you this!
I will become successful,
Just the thought of figuring out who or what I want to be can sometimes be quite stressful.
This program that I'm in called Upward Bound is helpful.
It's like I'm always searching for perfection.
Why am I so stressed?
I just hope that the way I'm choosing leads me in the right direction.
With the love and affection of my family and friends,
who knows where my future truly begins.
I learn from the mistakes of my friends,
But in the end, I'll know where I want to be;
Wherever I choose, I know it'll set me free.
Please God, help me set my dreams into reality.
I don't ever want to frown,
Please help me keep my feet on solid grown,
Not letting me think too high above the clouds.
I know my grandmother is looking down,
Saying, "She's gonna be something some day, just you wait and see."
I know in my heart that she is constantly looking over me.
I want to set my wildest dreams into reality.

Pain/Misery

Man yo I give up
There's too much damn drama it makes
Me want to throw up
I miss you so much it's just crazy
I think about you 'til I get dizzy
But not even that will make me stop
Thinking about you!
If something happened to you I would drop
Everything and just be there to the rescue
But in your point of view it's different
I could get killed and you wouldn’t really care
It just would be another day but perfect
I would be happy if I knew you had just one tear
But I seriously doubt that
Because you don't feel the same way I do for you
I think its time to move on but
There's one thing holding me back its
I LOVE YOU!

It's Okay

It's okay,
Don't worry, I'm fine.
You only shattered my heart.
Maybe you were never really mine.
I guess I should be happy, I get a new start.
My soul just can't take it anymore.
Because my mind and my heart are at war.
It's okay,
I'm really not in that much pain.
My mind is only going insane.
My heart is still breaking,
My soul is still aching,
But it's okay,
I can still make it through the day.
My spirit can no longer shine,
But It's okay,
Don't worry, I'm fine.

The Luv I Got 4 U

The love I got for you,
Will never go away.
If only you knew,
That it grows everyday.

The love I got for you,
Will never ever end.
Because it is true,
You're my best friend

The love I got for you can never be replaced.
Because I love you,
And it can't be erased.

The love I got for you,
I hope you will finally see.
I hope you love me too.
Because it was meant to be.

Untitled

the moon is shining over my head
the sun has already gone to bed
the ocean's calling my name
the rocks are softy humming to a tune
the girls and guys are dancing at night
around the corner is my lover boy.

The Greatest

I know we're done, and we said we're through,
But why is it that I'm still not over you?
You broke my heart and crushed my soul,
Yet somehow only you can make me whole.
You were my soul mate, my one true love,
And you were sent from God above.
You made me laugh when I was down,
Then suddenly, you were never around.
I thought I knew you and who you really were,
But in the end I was never really sure.
All those monsters did was bring you down.
You never heard me screaming, you couldn't hear a sound.
So quickly you slipped away,
You never even gave me the chance to say,
Please don't leave me, please don't go,
Because without you, my heart will never know,
That the greatest love I've ever had,
Was the one that made me the most sad.

The Way I Feel

This is not a good day
I wish I did not feel this way,
My boyfriend just broke up with me,
And I can't think, sleep, or eat
I need someone to hear me out,
I just want to scream!
I just want to shout!
I need someone to be by my side,
Like a good friend of mine!
Through thick an