Perks & Prizes - Poetry
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Poetry 2003 - Sorted By Date
December 2003
Dad
Though it's been years now
Since you were taken away
The memories are still strong
And I wish you were with me today
I still wake in the night
Crying aloud and calling your name
It's so hard to realize you're gone
And that things will never be the same
Sometimes I talk to you
Though you probably do not hear
I really need to talk to someone because of all my hurt and fear
I wonder if you see me now
If so I hope you're proud
To see all I've survived through
But that chance is not allowed
If I could see you once again
You know what I would do
Release all of my emotions
And say, "Dad, I love you"
But if I could have my real wish
You know what I would do
Leave this cold, lonely world
And come to be with you
Cry After Cry
"We, the people of the United States,
in order to form a more perfect Union..."
Post invisible signs.
Whites Only.
O’dale Vato.
Sup Homie.
Label ourselves.
Label others.
Give our money to
Single, crack addicted mothers
So she can go buy more
While Junior sleeps in rags on the floor...
Cry after cry.
What ever happened to
The American Dream?
F. Scott Fitzgerald’s been long forgotten,
And Mom’s apple pie’s gone rotten,
Junior sleeps in rags on the floor.
Cry after cry
For racial equality.
And 40 years after King had A Dream...
We still haven’t learned, and we won’t.
His birthday? A day off.
He was the first true King of America,
And the schools don’t teach us a thing.
And on my day off, I watch the parade on my TV screen
While the crack whore lets her
Junior sleep in rags on the floor...
Cry after cry.
The government says
The power’s with the people.
That’s news to me!
Walk down the street!
Ask the "powerful people" how they feel.
I can’t make a difference
They’ll cry.
Whether I vote for Hillary or Bill or that other guy.
Fitzgerald’s American Dream?
It’s become laziness.
Don’t see immediate results?
Give Up.
From Abortion to the Ab Roller,
From Rebuilding Iraq to Building Up Your Wallet...
To Junior sleeping in rags on the floor.
Cry after cry
For The American Dream,
King’s Dream,
My Dream:
Dream without sleeping.
Make a change.
Live up to your name as a Free American.
Always ask: who? Why?
And ya know what?
Don’t let Junior cry anymore.
He belongs on a pedestal
Not on the floor.
Open up your eyes and Dream!
Junior could be the next Martin Luther King!
Trade in his rags for riches...
Cause in my eye,
Hope is his Dream. And Dream is what
Junior does in rags on the floor...
Cry after Cry.
The Date
Its Friday night, a quarter till eight.
Your friend says, "Smile! It's only a date."
Little does she know the secret you've kept behind,
The little lie kept out of sight.
He shows up with a dozen roses,
But you try to stay in focus.
All you can see is the pain and guilt,
No one knows your world has been a tilt.
Then you notice he's not most guys.
Some just try to get along with their lies.
When the night's over, he kisses you goodnight,
Now you know everything's gonna be all right.
Till the next time, you can't wait.
After all, it's only a date.
You Were A Great Brother And Son
It seems like just yesterday that I met you,
The day my sister brought you home
You were with some of your friends
Not once did you travel alone.
I loved it when I saw you,
You and your smile,
I loved it when we talked,
We talked for quite a while.
We hung out for a whole summer,
Then suddenly stopped to talk,
I saw you this past Sunday
Wow, I was in shock.
As night passed, I felt the feeling of sadness
As my heart went pounding
This news I am hearing is completely astounding
You were a great brother and son
To your parents and siblings,
They will always and forever,
Be in the process of healing.
Tonight is the night
I say goodbye to you in your coffin
Just remember you may be gone,
But will never be forgotten.
Please Forgive Me For All Of My Sins In Life
Please forgive me for all of my sins
I would name them all, but I don't know where to begin
I swear I was listening when you taught me wrong from right,
But I chose the wrong way, and then I lost the fight
Please forgive me for all of my sins in life
Even considering I made the same sins twice
I know I lied and said what I did wasn't true,
But please forgive me,
For I'd be lost without you.
I know I was wrong for doing what I did,
Please forgive me, for I am just a kid.
When Will I Be . . .
When will I be old enough to do the things I want to do?
When will I be tall enough to be eye level with you?
When will I be brave enough to climb a mountain high?
When will I be smart enough to forecast the weather in the sky?
When will I be pretty enough to model for a magazine?
When will I be artistic enough to make a color scheme?
When will I be popular enough to be in the "A" crowd?
When will I be loud enough to scream real loud?
You Never Know How Much You Care For Someone Until They Are Gone
Did you know how much I loved you?
Did you know how much I cared?
You left without a warning,
You left me in despair.
If I knew your life was going to be so limited,
I would have spent more time with you,
Possibly every single minute.
I see its true what they say,
You never know how much you care for someone
Until they are gone.
I would do anything to go back,
And fix the things that went wrong.
Although your physical appearance
Is no longer visible to me,
I know you'll be in the clouds listening,
Every night before I go to sleep.
I Am Extremely Sorry, Mom
How do I face it?
The fact that I was wrong,
I had been despicable
This time all along.
You brought me life,
And made yours mine.
You dedicated your whole life to me,
Every second of your time.
So how could this be,
I show you no respect in return?
It was blurry, but it all came clear
And now I am able to understand.
The concerns you have are because you care,
Whenever I need you,
You are always there.
We are fighting constantly,
Trying to make things right
It's my fault, I am the cause
I found that out this very night.
I know I can't take back causing you stress
But believe me when I say, I love being your daughter
I feel truly blessed.
Please accept my apology,
For without you I'd be lost.
Please know I would do anything to fix things,
I'd pay any cost
I am extremely sorry, Mom,
Unfortunately I can't change what has been done
But know I'll continue loving you, forever and then some.
Why?
Why do seasons change, season by season?
Why do things happen, for no apparent reason?
Why does the year consist of 365 days?
Why do certain street signs say caution to kids at play?
Why do some people have to live out on the streets?
Why when playing soccer, do you have to wear shoes called cleats?
Why do some things go on without knowing?
But most importantly, why am I sitting here writing this poem?
Fight Back
My heart was there,
For you to take.
I thought this was real,
But you turned out fake.
You lied to me,
In many ways that you can't see.
You broke my heart,
And for that I wasn't ready.
You thought you were smooth,
And you thought you were good.
But now I'm here to treat you
Like everyone else should!
You thought you had won,
When you hurt me with your lie.
You thought I would back down,
And break down and cry.
But NO!
I'm not here to please you!
I'm here for revenge,
On what you put me through.
I still love you,
But I've put that aside.
I've come to hurt you,
Because you lied!
This sweetheart you once loved,
Is all ready to put up a fight.
A hard punch to your left eye,
And a good one to the right!
So what's wrong tough guy?
Amazed by what you see?
Of course you are!
This couldn't possibly be me!
Hurting me made you feel
Like you were on top of the world.
But now you tell me....
How does it feel to be beat by a girl?
Untitled
If you see me with tears in my eyes,
Don't worry or look surprised.
If you see me with tears in my eyes,
Know at that moment I've cried my last cry.
Your love was like a hostile takeover
In which I was left with no options.
But baby, my life is better behind the tears,
There is no pain or fears.
So if you see me with tears in my eyes,
Don't worry, my baby,
Behind the tears there is joy inside that words can't describe.
It took a lot of time to finally release the poisonous venom you left inside of me,
Now I'm cured,
I've cried my last cry.
A Blind Journey to Find That One Love
Is there someone you feel you were meant to be with?
But constantly make the signs fade away?
Concealing them with disregard,
Too fearful and afraid.
You have these forever lasting feelings for him
That you always try and hide.
You go on endless journeys searching for that one love,
Not ever realizing that you’re blind.
When you’re with him you feel like you’re only his,
Wanting his arms to be wrapped around you.
Other days you want to stay far away,
But it’s every day you don’t know what to do.
On cold and rainy nights, you sit around and talk
Sometimes you just stare and think.
When there’s often this comfortable silence,
That only he could bring.
There are times when you wonder if you should be together,
But most of the time try not to think of it at all.
Are you suppose to be friends, is he your soul mate?
Will he be at the bottom to catch you if you fall?
You have these forever lasting feelings for him
That you always try and hide.
You go on endless journeys searching for that one love,
Not ever realizing that you’re blind.
You can be your true self only around him,
Not caring about who or what’s around.
Feeling like you can do anything,
And completely satisfied with this friend you’ve found.
Sometimes you want to hold his hand,
Just so that you can feel safe.
You still never fully understand why that is,
When you’re with him, it’s just a feeling you crave.
You have these forever lasting feelings for him
That you always try and hide.
You go on endless journeys searching for that one love,
Not ever realizing that you're blind.
Believing that you’re just meant to be friends
Is this small thought running through your mind?
But there’s a stronger thought believing you’re meant to be together,
And it often makes you cry.
Are you not completely sure,
If all these feelings you have are real?
Do you want to just pause everything, and give it more time,
To figure out how you truly feel?
You have these constant worries,
Imagining that it would never work.
You’re not sure that you can love enough,
And you’re afraid of getting hurt.
You get restless wondering what he’d be like to kiss.
Getting this inquisitive feeling of thought.
Will it be breathtaking and soothing as you expect?
You’re nervous to find out if it would be or not.
You have these forever lasting feelings for him
That you always try and hide.
You go on endless journeys searching for that one love,
Not ever realizing that you’re blind.
Are there long nights when you just can’t seem to sleep?
When you stay up for hours talking to him on the phone.
Are there those times you feel that he is right beside you,
Or maybe you want him to be and you’re really alone.
All your feelings and emotions for him are endless,
But you still don't realize that you’re blind.
Following that endless journey in circles,
Leading back to that friend who can be that one love in your life.
You have these forever lasting feelings for him.
Understand that they will never disappear.
Stop trying to always hide them,
And face love: your biggest fear.
Random Thoughts
Random thoughts flow through my mind, leading me to creative ways
Expressing what's rushing through my head
My body dead asleep
But look deep
'Cause if you could see the thinking goin' on
It would be much like rush-hour traffic
One thought backed up behind another
And on and on
My thoughts are almost like the song that never ends
A continuous flow and a deep rhythm and beat
These thoughts stay on paper drowned in ink
Dreaming to be heard
Jumping to be seen
As I sit in this realm of randomness
I realize my thoughts are much like the life of some others and me
You see just like any thought
We're lost within our purpose
Trapped, waiting to get out.
I Don't Know You Anymore
What's up, Busta?
How you doin'?
I thought I knew ya,
now whatcha doin'?
Always flirtin',
don't go and blow it.
You've changed so much
And don't even know it!
I tried to tell ya to
look at yo' self for
once in your life,
vying for health.
Every day,
you drift away.
Oh boy please say
U won't sway.
Untitled
You know when it happens,
you know when it's right.
Your breath stops in an instant,
and your heart takes a flight.
There is no description,
to tell how you feel.
The only thing you think of,
is the fact that it's real.
It makes you feel,
like nothing else.
You no longer think,
of only yourself.
When you give and receive this special gift.
You'll get down on your knees,
and thank heavens above.
For you have discovered,
this thing called Love
Love
Love is a word I hear often
Many say it without meaning it
Used to describe more than just liking
With one meaning never true
Love is a feeling of contentment
Said to get what is desired
Proceeding to leave deception
Never to be substantial
Love is no fun and all games
It is painful when it is believed
Sorrowful when it is not said
You are to be lonely without it
Love is a way of corruption
No one loves a high school sweetie
Everyone loves what can't be theirs
Someone loves someone else
Love is for a moment in time
It can be forever remembered
Or lost after a week
One thing is for sure...
Love is love
-- sunmoonnstarz
November 2003
Do You Know
Do you know what it's like
To love someone so much
But then to find out
Your love wasn't enough
To have your heart break
In the blink of an eye?
To have the thought of losing them
Make you want to lay down and die?
Do you know how it feels
To cry yourself to sleep at night
Wishing they were there to hold you
And tell you "everything'll be alright"?
Do you know what it's like
To miss someone so bad
To know that their love
Was the best you ever had?
I wonder...
Do you know how it feels?
Momentary Loss of Sanity
Plays a part in my everyday
Life seems to fall apart
Exactly the same way
Over dramatized, over analyzed
Never as simple as I would like to think
Completely unlike what I would like be
Fluctuating depression
An overpopulated mind
Too many voices
A destination that’s unlikely to find
Drowning in redundancy
The deterioration of my kind
Untitled
The wind blows through your hair when you can't feel it and hits you like a wave.
-- BOBERRIE12
Untitled
When I say I love you I mean it,
When I say I love you I do,
When I say I love you are you going to say it too?
When I say I love you I mean it, I truly do!
Opposite
Sticks and stones won't break my bones
Cause words do that to me
I am the opposite, the opposite of what life should be
This isn't my fault, the way people treat me
This is why I see opposite
I like people who are like me, never, ever preps, can't you see?
Opposites don’t attract for me
Preps are too stuck up to see different ways, so punks and goths are not to be
seen with them
I am the opposite of what life should be
the opposite yes that’s me
Queen Mab’s Apprentice
She dances in the shadows
In the wildest of exotic fantasies
Full of intoxicating mysteries
The most sinful of all desires.
So sweet, so pure, so graceful
Evoking love from the most desolate of places
A siren calling to her eager sailors
One glimpse can seduce the strongest of wills
She is farther from reality than the smallest star
She raises energy, raises excitement, raises completeness
The most beautiful woman
A man could ever see
She is what they want
And what I could never be.
Loveless Fate
You’re walking down a lightless path
That leads to a twisted trail
And you’re falling down
Down
And it never ends.
You don’t know where you’re going
And you forgot where you’ve been
It’s all the same
And you never get to where you’re going
It’s all the same
All devoured in flame
Just a part of the game.
Just wait
Another loveless fate.
The tunnel is dark
And you just can’t see
You’re so lost
Lost
And you can’t find your way.
You don’t know what comes next and you don’t know what happened
But you don’t care.
It’s all the same.
All devoured in flame.
Just a part of the game
Just wait
Another loveless fate.
The fog chokes you
And you can’t pull through
You’re drowning
Drowning
And you can’t breathe
You don’t know how to get through
And you don’t know how you got here
It doesn’t matter
Anymore
Because it’s all the same
Burning with shame
Change your name
Always late
Wasted fate
All the same devoured in flame
Part of the game
Just wait
Another loveless fate
Another loveless fate
Loveless fate.
Ode to the Super Heroes of My Generation
They give their lives to make the world a better place.
They stand for truth, justice, peace, and equality.
They protect the lives and rights of the innocent.
They are the super heroes of my generation.
To our newest heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
For giving their lives to protect Bikini Bottom
And coming out of retirement
When evil is afoot.
To Quail Man for saving
The pretty, precious and pure Patti Mayonnaise
And an honest dog with more integrity than most humans,
The ever faithful, Quail Dog.
To Really Really Big Man for zooming to save
Innocent and mistreated marsupials from modern life.
And for using his special talents to reveal the future
And save nauseous turtles from a terrible fate.
To the earth, fire, wind, water, and heart powers of Captain Planet.
He saved the environment and animals from destruction,
And like a preacher, he converted a generation of children
Into tree-hugging environmentalists.
To the Power Rangers, the mighty dinosaurs of the 1990s.
They taught kids the importance of teamwork and self-defense
While saving the world from destruction
In really cool spandex outfits.
To Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael
For being able to accept their mutated turtle form
Having open minds to the wisdom of Splinter
And always being ready to take Shredder down town.
And last, but not least, to Mr. Rogers
For showing kids the important things in life,
Kindness, respect, honesty
And the ability to properly zip jackets and tie shoes.
Thank you, super heroes,
For making the world a safe place.
Untitled
I laugh, I cry, I bleed, I'll die
Without you in my life
I smile, I shine, with tears in my eyes,
If I'm not happy come and get me tonight. . .
Here all alone in the shadows of night,
Where it's dark and lonely inside,
I’m scared and you're not there
But I am strong right here forever in the sky
Standing on the bridge in the coldness,
Crying to the water in the night,
Waiting for you to come and rescue me, I'll be waiting all night.
Untitled
I've taken a trip with no plans to return
365, 24/7 -- it's only you I yearn
It all started years ago
You were giving me nothing less, just more
The first time you spoke to me
The first time you touched me
The first time being held by you
I had no other choice I fell in love with you
The times regardless good or bad I still cherish
Everything even from back then I cherish
As we parted my heart was left in pain for days
I wished and hoped and prayed for many more days
I get you back again and problems arise
Deep down all the pain I feel you realize
I love you so much so I'm fighting so hard
People say its best for the long run yet it's so hard
I can't let you slip away and to never come back
But I'm one in a million baby you will come back
I want to be the one who's always by your side
I'm in this for the long difficult ride
I want to hold your last name
Mrs. Phillips they call me
I want to be the mother of your beautiful baby
I want to let the haters know you aren't going anywhere
You only give your love to me I'm greedy and don't share
You're the sunlight to my grayest skies
Together we can face every problem that shall arise
You hold my heart so be careful please don't shatter it
Don't tell me lies or just hurt me; that will definitely break it
Seven months strong we are definitely going to make it last
You're my first, only, and last
Every simple joke enlightens my soul
Whenever you touch me I feel I'm made of gold
Those eyes that melt me with a glance
Always want to just hug, hold, and kiss like the last chance
I think about you every step of the way
I know hopefully you'll never go away
I can't see being so deeply in love without you
You know for sure you my only BooBoo
I need you in my life
You make all simple things right
So DEEPLY in love with you I admit
When you're around I'm a candle that's completely lit.
Untitled
love is when you love a person
not only because they're there
but because you enjoy their company
love is so unpredictable
you never really know when or what is going to happen next
love is something so unique and special
love is when couples struggle not only by themselves
but together as a team
love is not always about pleasure and play toys
but about happiness and joy
love is not always about your lover's appearance
but about your lover's personality and actions
is love when a lover likes nothing but your body?
no, love is when your lover doesn't care how you look on the outside
but what's really in the inside
love is so good at times
but if I was you I wouldn't plan on it any time soon
but if it does happen always be ready for the worst
and always feel the same about your lover as best as you can
Untitled
When I am alone
I picture your green eyes
When I talk to you on the phone
I need no disguise.
You love me for who I am
I love you for who you are
We will be together forever
Underneath the stars.
I’ve loved you since the beginning
I just have never known
All this time complaining
And now our love has grown.
I love you more than anything.
More than anyone ever could
I really hope you feel the same.
And love me like you should.
I never want to lose you
I love you way too much
You say you're going to move,
But I can't lose your touch.
I love you with all my heart
Do you feel the same?
Hoping we’ll never be apart,
In this picture perfect frame
All my feelings are real
Are yours real too?
Trust in everything I feel
And I will trust in you
I never thought I could love
As much as I do with you
You’re my angel from above
My feelings are so deep and true
You’re the only one in my heart
And to live without you,
Would tear my world apart
Love?
That is a big word for a man your size
Are you sure you mean it
I don't see it in your eyes
That is a big commitment for a person of your standard
Are you positive you want it?
It's not something you can't handle?
That is a big job for a human like yourself
Are you for real about it?
You don't have much wealth?
Yes, you say
You're ready for this
I'm not sure I can grant your wish.
You see this whole time I've questioned through and through,
It is I who is not ready to love you!!
A Crush
She smiles at him
hoping he notices.
She lends him a pen
hoping he'll remember her.
She lets him copy off her homework
that he forgot to do.
But still he'd rather go to HER.
She knows it's just a crush
but he'll never know
nor remember her.
Rose Colored Eyes
The rose-colored glasses shield your eyes.
You’re locked into a world that most people can only fantasize.
Flowing falls and garland flowers fill your vision,
Happiness is the only mission.
In this world of shimmering light,
The creatures are naïve and not too bright.
Now, let’s remove those frames for just a moment now,
And view the world from unbiased eyes.
Scary, isn’t it?
You can’t hide from real life,
And there are always people by your side.
They won’t let you fall or cave or die.
But please don’t return to your rose-colored eyes.
The grace and beauty of that other world,
Come, impart that here.
This world needs all the help it can get.
Please, don’t run in fear,
Stay in this world now, and don’t disappear.
Take help where you can find it,
And please, always keep in mind
You aren’t all alone in this scary place,
We’re always here to help each other,
Each member of mankind.
Midnight Dreams
It's the dark of the night,
And I'm dreaming sweet dreams,
He falls into my sight,
And I don't know what it means.
Because he left me for somebody new,
And she is there at his side,
But I don't know what to do,
For it hurts deep down inside.
Then she tells him to say he loves her,
And I wait for the words to burn,
But he just looks away and says, "I can't" as she disappears,
Then he walks up to me making my heart churn.
And he confesses,"I love you."
I cry in his arms,
I say, "I love you, too."
It just seems like I'll never be harmed.
And he just holds me,
Then gives a kiss oh so sweet,
I feel so free,
Knocked right off my feet.
I pray that it never will cease.
Then my alarm rings,
And the sweetness I release.
Then the pain starts to sting.
I see you everywhere,
And I feel so blue for I can't have you.
Oh, why does it hurt to care?
Won't someone please tell me what in the world I should do?
Lost Feeling...
I used to cry of sorrows
with tears bursting from the eyes
I used swim deep in the oceans
and fly higher in the blue skies
But can you hear the lonesome
sounds of the wind around you
Never is true love a lie
but did you ever feel the winter dew
I float over the riverbeds
with dreams living a true day
I sing low and high
and flew over wings of the night away
of the rainbows in clear blindness
Never is true friendship a lie
but did you ever go through harsh kindness
I used to cry of sorrows
with tears bursting from the eyes
I used swim deep in the oceans
and fly higher in the blue skies
But can you hear the lonesome
sounds of the wind around you
Never is true love a lie
but did you ever feel the winter dew
I wake at nights
with a shallow sleep in my eyes
I count the bright stars
twinkling across the wide black skies
But can you compare a thousand worlds
worth this true fortune opulent love
Never is love a lie
but can you cover me like the sky above is
OH!
I walk along the rocky paths
with no intimations of their destiny and fate
I pluck thorns and the daisies
and petal a difference of love and hate
I float over the riverbeds
with dreams living a true day
I sing low and high
and flew over wings of the night away
But can you see the lost colors
of the rainbows in clear blindness
Never is true friendship a lie
but did you ever go through harsh kindness
But yet was I unknown
I had the lost the feeling
Lost feeling
-- Warda K.
Getting Ready For The Prom
Getting ready for the prom
got my dress
my shoes, take my bath
do my hair, put my shoes on
Getting ready for the prom
put my make up on
take my pictures
but I forgot one thing
WHERE'S MY DATE!
October 2003
My love for you
Roses are red, violets are blue, no one can compare the love I have for you.
Locked deep in my heart are the feelings you never knew.
The love I have for you can never be broken.
The fire deep within my heart can never be blown out.
Even though I hide it, if you look deep into my eyes, deep enough to see my
soul you would know my love for you burns bright.
Instead I'll just tell you.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
This love for you will never die!
Untitled
Life is short, don't take it for granted.
Never lose hope, look at it from a different perspective.
Open your eyes, don't be narrow-minded.
Don't dwell on the pain when the grief has subsided.
Be happy in time of glee, be mournful in time of grief.
Never be afraid to turn over a new leaf.
Try again, if you're not chosen,
pick up the pieces, if your heart's been broken.
And if all else fails, just keep in mind,
God will always be there,
by your side.
Over
Even though we are over
I keep looking at you in that way,
The way I looked at you
When we first got together that day.
Whenever I see into your eyes
I feel all the times I was with you
Those late nights,
Every time you speak to me
I seem to always fall for you one more time
The way your smile gets me,
And how your lips used to find mine,
Is a constant reminder that I'm not
Completely over you not being mine, inside.
Untitled
It’s sad to me when people see what’s not meant to be.
He said, she said, Humbug.
Why won’t you hold my hand?
-Because you’re not holding mine.
Steve would have gotten that for me already!
-Yeah, which it explains Steve’s five-year prison term.
Why don’t you kiss me anymore?
-Are those fumes coming out of your mouth?
It makes me sad because I know that what they see, I see also but I cannot break her heart.
-- Eduardo R.
Untitled
out the window towards the sky
beyond the clouds and moonlight
there I reach for the answer
I plead for your understanding
in front of the candles
I light and pray
in this place I call your home
with its beautiful statues
I cry and ask only this: why?
are you sure this is the time?
aren't there enough angels
blessing the stars
and putting smiles on the faces
of old men ready to join them?
must you take mine?
the only one to put a smile
on my face in the bitter cold
or the intense heartache?
I have myself to give
I have my possessions to give
but I cannot give my angel
I cannot forgive or forget
so I scream in the woods
in the shower in the halls
in the vast empty field
in my vast empty eyes
let me have my angel
for an hour or a day
let me hold her one more time
and kiss her closed eyes
enclose those tiny fingers in mine
catch the light in her face
before it fades forever
and then take me for her
so she can finish the life I began
I will be eternally grateful
I pray to you
let angel stay
A Man Like You
To know a man like you is to know there will always be someone there
whose honesty I can depend on
and whose strength I can trust
It means knowing there will always be someone whose sense of humor can lighten me up
And whose advice can turn everything into perspective
It is knowing there will be that one special someone
whose touch can take me where nothing matters
but the two of us
It means havin' that special someone
Love
love is when you love a person
not only because they're there
but because you enjoy their company
love is so unpredictable
you never really know when or what is going to happen next
love is something so unique and special
love is when couples struggle not only by themselves
but together as a team
love is not always about pleasure and play toys
but about happiness and joy
love is not always about your lover's appearance
but about your lover's personality and actions
is love when a lover likes nothing but your body?
no, love is when your lover doesn't care how you look on the outside
but what's really in the inside
love is so good at times
but if I were you I wouldn't plan on it any time soon
but if it does happen always be ready for the worst
and always feel the same about your lover as best as you can
Love?
That is a big word for a man your size
Are you sure you mean it?
I don't see it in your eyes
That is a big commitment for a person of your standard
Are you positive you want it
It's not something you can't handle?
That is a big job for a human like yourself
Are you for real about it
You don't have much wealth?
Yes, you say
You're ready for this
I'm not sure I can grant your wish.
You see this whole time I've questioned through and through,
It is I who is not ready to love you!
Impatience
Jumping in my veins
Like a virus vying,
Struggling to burst through.
Wiggling my toes,
Letting anxiety
Burst through my speeding,
Tapping fingers.
Startling at any pop,
Any imaginary voice,
Hope has become irritating.
Bouncing my
Chubby leg.
Biting my
Chapped lips.
Staring at my
White ceiling.
Thinking
Out loud,
“What am I waiting for?”
Untitled
I don't know what to do whenever you're around.
I begin to freeze whenever you walk by.
I wanted to speak but my lips are tied.
I wanted to walk but my feet are stuck.
Maybe I should show my feelings,
maybe I could show my real self.
Maybe I should be relaxed whenever you walk by.
I dunno what to do.
I am so confused.
My mind goes blank whenever I see you.
I wanted to be your friend but I'm just too scared to do so.
Untitled
I'm waiting for you by your locker,
wondering and waiting,
when you'll come talk to her.
I live my life by the moment,
but I wait like this, and it sucks, don't it?
I wait and see,
if you and I were really meant to be.
To know is not too bad.
If I find who you are,
I definitely will not be mad.
I wonder as to what you will look like,
and are you going to come up on your bike?
I know you won't show up upon your horse,
and we won't meet on the beach shores.
I finally met you,
you seem so shy.
To me it caught my eye.
I think you have become my lust,
so I think I best show more bust.
I love you to death,
and I know why,
because I've always have loved the shy guys!
You seem so modest,
and so supreme,
you don't seem too horny
to meet your queen.
You I guess aren't the average boy teen!
So to all of the boys out there,
Don't be too aggressive,
otherwise you wont be the heir to your castle!
Untitled
I wanted to fly up in the sky.
I wanted to reach the heavens above.
During the day I wanted to see the things I don't feel.
If only I could see I would be happy.
But I was made like this with an eye that cannot be used.
An eye that has no purpose in the world where I belong.
I wanted to fit in with the people around,
but they pushed me away like an animal that's been trapped in a pound.
If only I could see.
Untitled
When I was with you I felt something I've never felt before.
Such a feeling that drop through.
This feeling made me very happy.
Through the night I looked at the moon and saw your face
drawn in the sky.
Stars sparkle in me like your eyes.
Every morning I see you smile at me like the sun in the sky.
I want to be with you but something is blocking the two of us.
How many years do I have to wait?
I wanted to wish that those years were over and we'll be together
like the stars and moon.
But it's better like this because I know soon the right time
will come for the two of us.
I love you, so I'll wait until the right time comes through.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be with you.
I love you through the end of our lives.
It's Over
I'd laugh, you'd cry
you'd crawl, you'd fall, I'd fly
I'd sing, you'd sigh
we failed because only you tried
Love was a game I played
your feelings hurt, I know you hurt
because I strayed, your love I betrayed
you can't stay another lonely day
cause its too late
Its too late to think about
all the good times
Too soon to forget about the bad
It's too late to save a loved that shined
and that's so sad
It's so hard to forget the feelings shared
It's too late to show you how much I cared
It's too late
way too late for that
I cry, you laugh
you're not the same
your feelings have changed
in a flash
Now I want, I need you back
but it's too late, way too late for that
People change from day to day
you have changed, your feelings caged
I wish I'd stayed
our love we could have saved
now it's too late for that
September 2003
Untitled
Moonlight sprinkles its glory on the sand,
We walk hand in hand,
As we leave footprints on their hearts,
Smiles in the sun,
Tell me you’re the one.
Untitled
We see the dead and the dead will laugh
We preach about knowing the life after death
We walk around pretending there is a heaven or hell
How do we know?
I guess we don’t
We look at the dead in our dreams
They dance in the ballroom, happily
They disappear
We wonder why
They reappear
They ask us to dance
We tell them not yet
They laugh and proceed to dance with someone else
We see the dead and the dead will laugh
We don’t know what happens in the afterlife
We make up the afterlife
Irony?
Not really, just me
Untitled
adolescent love
the wink of an eye,
a toss of hair,
grasp of hand,
arm snug around a waist
and movie theatre romance.
Just
I’m just in awe
Just so confused
I just don’t know
What just to do
Scary heart beats
Odd little thoughts
Just in a haze
Just feel so lost
Feel like I’m on air
In my own little world
Just so empty
Just so not there
Never felt this way before
Where I don’t know what I think anymore
Where my world is fine just the day before
And suddenly it just comes crashing to the floor
Where I can’t think straight
Or just stay on any one thought
’Cuz I’m just so confused
Just I’m just so lost.
Not Just One Woman’s Story
Screams of an aging woman seeking for a way out
Dreams of a girl abused left with memories of his silent touches, he has imprinted her heart with many doubts
Oh! Mother, why did he touch me? Yet he did not treasure me
As a shepherd watches over his flock, and one goes astray
I was the voiceless lamb that lost her way
They would instead look me in the face, and many would pass me by, going on with their day
Hurt, divorced, single, widowed, and abused; that you may be
As you walk outside of your home tomorrow, you may be looking at me
Realizing this is Not Just One Woman’s Story.
Love to friends
I’m going to that place again,
Where I did not want to be,
I’m falling deep into this hole
Without you here by me.
I know I should get used to it,
I know I should say goodbye,
I know that I just have to smile,
But all I do is cry.
I will always love you,
I’m loving you right now,
I should learn to be just friends.
But I can’t, I don’t know how.
Everything I see or hear,
Reminds me of you.
I just wish that one day,
I could be back with you.
You saved me from the darkness,
You saved me from my fear,
You helped me in this bitter world,
And for that I hold you dear.
Eventually we’ll fall apart,
Time will make us drift,
We’ll always have the love we shared,
That’ll be our only gift.
I don’t ever wanna lose you,
So please don’t leave me here,
I’m not going anywhere,
So hold me close and end this fear.
I keep picturing us together,
In the very end,
I guess I’ve gotta realize,
That now I’m just a friend.
Sitting In My Bedroom
Sitting in my bedroom, I dreamt of you.
You and your style.
You and your smile.
But there was something that I missed.
It was that last kiss.
That last kiss when we said good-bye.
I looked back but couldn’t see anything but black.
Sitting in my bedroom, I start to cry. And was wondering why.
Wondering will God ever bring us back together. If so, would we stay forever?
Sitting in my bedroom, waiting with anticipation.
Waiting for that phone to ring. Waiting for that bell to ding.
Sitting in my bedroom, I look around and see that I am alone with fear.
But I think that I can bear.
Sitting in my bedroom, are you there?
I can’t seem to hear.
Sitting in my bedroom, come to find out I’m sitting in pain.
Pain of a broken heart.
Will there ever be a new start?
Sitting in my bedroom I dreamt, I dreamt of you!
You
Last night I lay in bed
Tryin’ to fall asleep
But nothing seemed to work
I even tried counting sheep
Thoughts of you keep occurring
Over and over in my head
And I didn’t want to fall asleep anymore
I didn’t want to go to bed
I wanted to be with you
I wanted you to hold me tight
I wanted you to look into my eyes
And tell me everything’s all right
I wanted to tell you I love you
And I miss you so
I wanted just to be with you
And never let you go
I wanted to make you understand
How much you mean to me
That if I lose you, I’ll have nothing
I wish I could make you see
See, no one has ever done this to me
No one’s made me feel this way
You’re always on my mind
Every second of every day
I need you to be here for me
And Ill be there for you
I need you to stay forever
’Til our last day together is through
You have my heart in your hands
Promise you won’t let go
I couldn’t live my life without you
I just needed to let you know
Just One Look
Just one look,
That’s all it takes,
To let me know
That this is fate.
Just one look,
A glance into
Those clear-as-crystal
Eyes of blue.
Just one look
To make me feel,
Make me know,
That this is real.
Just one look
And then I'm sure
You’ll give me the world
And so much more.
Just one look
And then I know
Without any words
You love me so.
Untitled
This heart is full of passion
But no one to love
These eyes are full of tears
But no one to care
This mouth is full of words
But no one to listen
This smile is full of teeth
But no meaning behind it.
Untitled
Secretly I wait for your return ’cuz
I know I’ll never be the same ’til
I reclaim the love I lost
I wasn’t ready for the game
Too young, arrogant, and lame
There’s no way I could’ve predicted all
The pain, the shame, that comes
When you’re left with feelings
Not yet digested
And a heart that’s so congested
With a love no longer wanted
I no longer take pride in the
Things I once flaunted
When you left you took the part of me
That wanted to love and live
You stole all I wanted to give
And put it away like leftovers
In a fridge.
Picture Perfect
The sun has risen
Oh what a joy
I watch it go
I watch it grow
Quickly but silently
Its color blinds me
I wish I could be so high up in the sky
I want to fly, instead of sigh
Time passes by
It soon descends
It turns colors
Picture perfect
I wish it wouldn't end
So it could go on
As I intend
Oh, what an end
August 2003
Hold Your Breath
In the bath; vigorously scrubbing away the poison that
will never resign.
Glance to the window
and peer out the shades.
Under the urban ocean
you can’t see the stars too well,
they are cloudy
from the sewage that that runs by your hand.
Swallowed by the city
Drowning; swimming to survive.
Don’t breathe; keep the liquid
from your lungs.
My Angel
I told myself
My angel has to be you
You cuddled with me and made me warm
You'#146;re even sweet as can be
But I felt something missing in my heart
Maybe someone like you
Should help me be true
And help me come through
I wished that you'#146;d always be able to
I know my one and only dream will come true
And the dream came true
You cared for me
You helped me
You cuddled with me to keep me warm
You even said I belonged to you
So now I know I wanna stay with you
I get upset
You'#146;re there to hear what I have to say
I can'#146;t believe how lucky I am to have an angel
And now I know the angel is you
Looking Back
Looking back on what I’ve done
back to when I thought that
you were the one,
I thought you were serious,
when you said together
I could feel it in your kiss,
that you meant forever.
But if that was forever,
my timing must be wrong,
cause at one time I thought,
forever lasted long.
Maybe I’m too scared of commitment,
and that is why I ran,
but the whole time I was wishing
you could be there holding my hand.
But I found myself looking back,
on the things that I had done,
the things that chose my path,
that made me not the one.
And now you hold another,
like I was nothing more
than a lost little girl,
you left standing at your door.
But I hope one day you’ll find
the emotion that I lacked
’cause now I’running away from this
and I’m NOT looking back!
Every Time
Every time I see couples hug and kiss,
It makes me remember us, and you I start to miss.
Every time I hear your name,
I just want to cry and I feel nothing but shame.
Every time I see you at school,
our past together I think of and it hurts but my heart you stole.
Every time our eyes meet for so long,
I start to feel the love that used to be so strong.
Every time I hear ringing from the phone,
I answer hoping to hear your voice but I stay endlessly sad and alone.
Every time I check you out you always look good,
to have you back as mine I wish I could.
Every time I think of what would happen if I’d never had you,
I realize I wouldn’t be who I am. You gave me love and you showed me love
That really is true.
Every time you walk by me I get that feeling inside,
and I know you do too but it’s hard for me, no longer my feelings can I hide.
So please, come back to me. You’re the only guy that I’ve loved so much and
cared for,
I’d do anything for you, I need you this time. Not having you makes my
heart broken and tore.
Feel’ns
What am I feel’n today?
Am I feel’n sad, mad, or glad?
What makes me happy?
Only one person knows the things that make me sing.
Not his rings, just the little things.
Like on my birthday I just want to lay beside him as he tells me I’m beautiful
And how much he wants to be there
Then I start to see that the small things are what I need.
So if you feel low then go out and find the little things for you and your love that the one above has given you.
Untitled
What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to
Say good-bye?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be
there?
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be
10 moments of sadness?
What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to
tell them how you felt?
What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you
Could never have them?
Some people live and some people die.
But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend...
That I will always be here for you when and if you need me...
If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.
Would I be in yours?
You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year,
don’t talk that often the next year, and don’t want to talk at all the year after
that.
So I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you
are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven’t forgotten them, and tell new friends you
never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO
FRIENDS at all, just remember this poem and take comfort in knowing
Somebody out there cares about you and always will.
Meant To Be
Your sweet personality
your soft gentle kiss
whenever I think of you
I remember this
the first time I saw you
the times of total bliss
how I would always be with you
I really miss
your caring, loving touch
caressing upon my face
being held in your arms
was my favorite place
the first time I talked to you
I knew it was meant to be
I was meant to be with you
you were meant for me...
Sometimes It Feels Like The World’z On My Shoulderz
Sometimes I feel like the world’z on my shoulderz,
Too much weight can’t relax.
The stress keepz buildin’, the pain unbearable.
The world borin’. Then I look up into the sky and I wonder why I feel this way:
"Is it normal?" I ask myself.
Then I know that the answer’s yes.
Because we all have to have pain and stress in order to bring out the best in ourselves.
Sometimes I know that I am not alone and that I will never have to
shout for help
Because all the help I need is out here with me.
It’s all of you.
Keep or Lose
I’m here, you’re not
I’m sad, I thought
life would be hard without you around
but there is a wonderful peace that I have found
The tears, they run
Sometimes, were fun
yet most tugged deep on my heart
because our love you didn’t want to start
we kiss, we hug
but no, no love
no real relationship was allowed
so I’m left under an emotional cloud
with me, with her
more pain, I endure
you said I was more beautiful
but it still made me feel like a fool
i miss you, I don’t
the pain, I won’t
ever go through again
I can’t have you as just my friend
You’re on your way
back home to stay
you have to choose
do you keep or lose
Not Ready
Not Ready
I’m saying no
You’re saying yes
Is this the way it goes
I’m not hoping so
Are you playing a game
I’m making this right
Don’t wanna take it to another night
Scared out of my mind
But you just keep bugging and holding me tight
Boy if you want me
You better play by the rules
Or it’s gonna start a fight
oh yeah
I’m taking it slower
You’re moving it faster
Do you really want me boy
I’m tying the ends
And you’re bending them
I’m putting my foot down
I ain’t messing around
I’m All Gone Because Of You
Everyday I’d sit up
And look up at the sky above
And wonder why
My heart is still alive
Because you’ve torn me
And broke me
Apart
And now I’m lost and cold
And can’t begin a new start
The lights grew dimmer
My life no more shimmers
Crying my tears dry
Till there is no more to cry
Because you took my heart
And I’m sad
Because you stole my love
And made me hurt so bad
I’m so alone
I’m hurting inside
I’m all gone
No more light in my life
No More Of Us
We had something
Now it’s gone
Oh well
I’m moving on
Can’t keep pretending
That you’re still with me
Got to stop the hurting
Walk out and leave
Ooh it’s all over baby
No baby you’re crazy
No more of you and me
Ooh it’s too late for you
No baby you crazy
No more of you and me
Packed my bags
Headed out so fast
I can’t look back
Even though this feels bad
Can’t keep thinking
That you still love me
Got to start healing
Walk out and leave
No more of you and me.
-- Crystina Mueller
Plate
I feel like a plate that has been passed around in pieces,
because it has been dropped and broken in so many places.
First, the center where the heart and soul lies
It has been crushed and scattered about, because of a lost love.
Next, the edges are chipping away the little bit of pride left,
but turned into instability of esteem,
developed from confratation of the love I get from my family.
Last but not least, the only one that has not been broken yet: the outer core of self-wisdom and the past of my self-confidence.
Hurting
People never know how much they hurt you.
Until the damage is done.
Time after time the words fly by.
So what happened to the love?
Every time this seems to happen,
Your heart hurts more and more.
Until finally you think it’s over,
But then they come back for more.
Haven’t they hurt you enough?
Will this torture ever end?
You try to keep a stiff upper lip,
But you feel those tears again.
They run down your reddened face,
Now harder than before.
You pray dear Lord please help me.
Because I can’t take much more.
Now the fighting is over,
With truces on their way.
I guess I’m OK for now.
But what about another day?
Jessica M.
I hide my pain behind my smile,
I try not to let it show.
I keep it all inside me,
I won’t let someone know.
I don’t want any pity,
For all the pain I feel.
These open wounds inside me
I know someday will heal.
It hurts so bad it stings
It pierces my soul.
Something’s missing from my heart
I know there is a hole.
My friends don’t even notice
What I’m hiding deep inside.
Everything I feel that hurts
I always push aside.
I know that when it’s time
My pain will fade away
But for now I am still hurting
Each and every single day.
Boys And Girls
Boys go for looks,
Which at times can be deceiving.
Girls feel they’re in love,
This joke they keep believing.
Men are secure with their emotions,
And love their girl for who she is.
Women know when the love is fake,
And they know when to dismiss.
Boys only get with girls
To make ’em feel like the man.
Girls will do anything,
To get a boy to hold their hand.
Men know when the love is true,
For time has proved it so.
Women know love can change,
And they know when to let go.
Boys want what’s easy.
And Men want what will last.
Girls just want to feel special,
While women learn from their past.
Bitter Sweet Knowledge
Is it easy to hide
from what you feel?
Because the reality of it
makes it hard to deal.
is it easy to run
down an empty street?
so no one can hear
your conscious speak?
or is easier to say,
"I’d rather not try"
always knowing
it’s just a lie.
Or is it easier to accept
the realities of life.
knowing that the end result
is worth the fight.
The truth of which
is in your "Self."
The Bitter Sweet Knowledge,
of realism to "Self."
Tears
Tears of joy I cry,
tears of happiness too,
today is great for me and should be great for you.
If everything’s so perfect then why are you so glum?
Who has died?
Who has cried?
Who has ruined the family fun?
I see you crying not tears of joy but sad tears of defeat,
I hear you cry sad tears of deceit,
I ask," why do you cry tears of sorrow?"
You reply, "No reason, your happiness I shall borrow."
Why don’t you tell me now why you cry so sadly?
Because I know the battle is not won,
so why must you hurt so badly?
haiku
the breeze feels so good
the breeze smells like strawberries
i love a good breeze
Expensive Love
Their love is sweet and true,
And it is good lesson for me and you.
Their love for them is so expensive,
Although for us it’s too intensive.
They keep each other like a treasure,
We think of it as it is pleasure.
They show the world their precious ways,
It brightens all our days.
They hold each other up so tight,
The world is crying from such sight.
They love each other in their hearts,
For that their love will never dominate in parts.
Be Mine
There is something in you that I see
Something I want to be a part of me
Our friendship has grown and is much more
Something special worth fighting for
When I’m with you I feel unconditional happiness
Just hearing your voice makes my day
Sometimes I don’t know what to say
Because I look into your eyes and get speechless
There is something I wanted to ask you
But didn’t know how to say
So I wrote you this poem
Because this is the right way
When I’m with you I don’t want to leave
When we talk I don’t want to say goodbye
I want this to be official
I want you to be my guy
Will you go out with me
-- Kristjana G.
I Love You
It’s been so long we’ve been apart
But I’ve always loved you from deep within my heart
I regret for what I have done
Now what I once had is lost and gone
I lost the one who stole my heart
The one who’s life I was once a part
I lost the greatest guy there could ever be
The one who meant so much to me
I lost the one who I truly cared about
The one I haven’t had any doubts
Why didn’t I realize all this
Before I knew what I would miss
Now it’s that time for me to let you go
But it’s hard when my heart says no
I know you have moved on
And a new life for you has begun
I’m really happy for you
And I wish the best of luck for you two
I hope she’s the one you dreamed for
The one that can show her love even more
I just have these last words to say
I think of you from night to day
Each night before I go to bed
I have you in my head
Before I sleep I like to pray
I pray for us to be together again someday
Now these words I’m about to say is true
I MISS YOU AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
I Told You I Love You
You once gave me a rose, because you loved me I suppose.
But as I sat by it, day by day, I watched it wither, wither away.
It reminded me of love, like the rose, it withers and grows old and
becomes cold.
I knew it was all too good to last.
As each petal fell upon the table glass it reflected my heart, in pieces,
and then came streams of hurt down my face like silk and lace...
I told you I love you.
My Eyes
This pain I conceal inside is not found only in my eyes, but in my heart.
And like the walls around my heart; the hurt will never fall completely apart.
Maybe its time for a brand new start.
How can one escape a world of sorrow, a world so accustomed to, a world that I’m so familiar with?
Can I just abandon a life style of pain?
It sounds so easy, but easier said than done.
Do I have the power to stop something I never begun?
My eyes are like the ocean, the windows to my soul,
Sometimes the tide is high sometimes the tide is low.
A sea of mixed emotions dwells at the pit of my heart,
So look deep within my eyes and tell me where it stops.
I drown in a pool of sorrow that runs into the river of pain,
Which breaks into the heart of the ocean that can never be fixed again.
And did I plan for this to happen the way that it did,
Did I ask for the undertow of grief to sweep me off my feet and carry me into the deep?
And still my eyes won’t seep.
Will a wave of love ever crash upon my beach;
To anyone will I ever reach?
Touch a heart or fill a soul, bestow the love that once was stolen from me?
Will there ever be a tide of hope?
Some times I wonder how I cope.
And as I drift in this sea I wonder if anyone misses me,
If anyone thinks of me, or why it’s so hard to be me.
So when you look at me think about the ocean or the sea, so quiet and still,
Until you look for real, there’s a deeper side to me when you look into
My eyes.
You Make Me Feel...
I’ve been meaning to tell you how you make me feel and I just don’t
understand it, how I love you still.
You make me feel like I’m your last resort. You go through all your phone
numbers and you sort and you sort and you sort.
Finally you come across my phone number, the one you said you lost, and since
nobody else is home you decide to give me a call.
Well, I got news for you, bud! I’m not waiting for your call.
I’m not a fool! No, not one at all!
You make me feel like I’m nothing to you. I wish you knew how I felt,
just put on my ole’ shoe.
You make me feel like I’m running in place, I’m running to reach out to
you, but yet I drift in space.
I’ve been meaning to tell you, you make me feel so unwanted, unloved,and
left out. I thought you were my friend!
I’ve been meaning to tell you, you make me feel . . . Well, at least you
make me feel.
Why do I love?
Why do I love that which returns my love void?
What love is this that loves so much that it hurts?
What love is this that leaves my heart in open pieces?
What love is this, which is in abundant supply,
That I know not of?
What love is this that loves Agape, for I feel it not.
Why do I try so hard to love that which loveth me not?
Why do I love at all?
Feelings of Hurt
If I bled for every time you hurt my feelings you would have sucked the
life out of me!
If there were a drop of blood for every mean word you have said to me the
ocean, seas, lakes, ponds, rivers, and streams would be full of me,
overflowing with the warm liquids of my veins.
Every ditch and puddle would be a scarlet blanket lain perfectly to fit
and form the ground,
Caressing it with its warmth.
It’s still warm; I can see the steam rising from it on a cold day.
"Why?," you ask me. Because every time the wound begins to heal you tear it open again.
You go straight to the source; you break an already broken heart,
spilling the warmth of my body.
If I were to bleed for every time you verbally abused me, the water you
drink and bathe in would no longer be water but a pool of my sorrows and
the rain, the rain in which your children play, would be my tears.
And the tears that you cry and the sweat that you sweat by the labor of your own
hands would no longer be yours but mine.
I lie on the ground and weep in a puddle of my own grief and look to the
sky, dying over and over again.
Lover of Pain
Why does love bring so much pain?
Why does something so pleasant bring so much misery?
It’s like exchanging a little bit of pain for a little bit of love
And a little bit love for a little bit of pain, so why then is there a use for love?
I ask these questions and yet I love, then why ask questions
You know not of?
Why does loving someone bring so much pain?
(I know not the answer and yet I still ask)
And so, if love bringeth such pain then I, being the lover of pain, bear so much of it,
Because I love
To love!
Friends We Were
Friends we were, but I know not what we all are now.
I don’t know what happened, I don’t know quite when or how.
It happened so quickly and I guess God has a plan.
I hope it is good whatever he may intend.
Friends we were, but a season brought, for us, a change,
and now nothing we do or say will ever be the same.
Friends for a season, but it quickly came to pass.
Somehow I knew it was all too good to last.
Confused
I can’t sit still, my mind is blurry,
But you can’t understand that I’m in a hurry.
I feel like I have to make up my mind quick,
And jump over that candlestick,
That candlestick is a choice that’s making me sick,
Whether it’s remaining friends or moving closer,
When I see you I feel like I’ve been on a huge roller coaster.
You make me feel special as your friend and maybe more,
But I’m just not sure of what will make my heart less sore.
I worry if something happens, will we still be friends,
We said that nothing would happen to ruin us in the end.
I cry when I think I’m making the wrong decision,
My life depends on if I figure out this mission.
I don’t get what I should say,
I mean we see each other everyday.
My heart doesn’t want to be broken,
So how should this be spoken?
We’re total opposites in looks,
But in our personalities we like all the same books.
We might not make the cutest item,
But when we’re together we look behind em’.
You’re my friend unlike any other,
I can trust you with my secrets not like my brother.
You play with my hair, you gave me a nickname,
My life seems like a hard video game.
I frustrate myself all the time,
I wish I could go out with you and dine.
My life is confusing to me, how about you,
If you want to know what’s wrong I could name just a few.
If you make my life feel so well, then why does every minute seem not okay,
And by the way,
This is sort of your fault,
Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in a cult.
I know that you like some one else,
And maybe me too, but I can’t see that your heart melts,
Like mine does when I see you,
With the things that you do.
I wish I had more to say,
But I think I’ll call it a day.
Of writing this poem about how I’m confused,
And how all this thinking is making my heart feel abused.
I really like you and that’s about it, so now I think I’ll call it quits.
Don’t Mind Me
Don’t mind me as I dream
of the things you have not seen
in people that you talk to everyday
For I have found what you have not
some may call it perfect
others a dream
but I have found it and it is true
not all people are shallow
who depend on outter beauty
and not inner like the one I show to everyone
don’t mind me as I dream
of a perfect world that has no shallowness
and everyone looks to the inner beauty
if only you were to experience such a dream like mine
you’d be on cloud 9 and feel light as a feather
for that’s how I feel
Don’t mind me as I dream
Just One of Those Days
It’s just one of those days
Where everything seems strange
Nothing seems real
When I don’t even know my name
It’s like I’m in a different game
Can you tell me the rules?
I can’t feel a thing
Pinch me
It’s gotta be a dream
It’s just one of those days
Where everything’s a haze
Every word I speak
Buries me soo deep
Everything I do
Makes me look like a fool to you
It’s just one of those days
Where I can hardly breathe
I feel so incomplete
I have to cry myself to sleep
It’s just one of those days
When nothin’ feels the same
I’m trapped in reality
It’s seems like the end of the game
It’s just one of those days
-- Natalie H.
TheTruth That Lies Inside
I look into your eyes
and see into your heart
and the pain inside of you
is tearing me apart
when you’re in such a state
I see the pain reflect inside of me
So you look into my eyes
and tell me what you see
I know what you see . . .
It’s YOU
and the love I feel for you
I love you more then anything in the world
why couldn’t you see?
You were blinded by someone else
but now you can see
who you truly love, need, and want
and that lucky woman would be . . .
Me.
Lust
Lust is pleasure
without the pain.
Passion is what we
feel when we
look into those
eyes!
Pleasure is how
we feel when we kiss!
Pain is what happens
when you leave!
It never seems to end,
it is like a burden
that seems to be there
no matter how many times
you say you care!
If you don’t care then
don’t say you will always
be there!
Finally It’s Here...
I was forced into a world with someone I knew nothing about
Someone even though” I loved without a doubt
For a year it took going backwards to learn what a fantastic love we shared.
It took bruises, it took tears... it took time.
We became friends... that’s what’s important, and so this day we are what
you’d say... best friends.
I may have said in the heat of the moment I regret the way we started....
but truly now, I regret nothing for what I started... for it’s finally here.
The chance to truly feel, the chance to truly show how much our love has
grown.
I love you today, and always will.... you’re forever in my heart.
It’s finally here... who’d have known
-- Vanessa M.
Untitled
I’ve been there for you and all the things you want to do even though
You’ve put me though so much hurt.
I didn’t listen to people and what they said to do because I felt
Everyone should have a chance.
What is done is done.
What’s in the past is in the past
But for some reason I feel as if you
Need to stop taking me for granted
Because you’re going to look around one day
And I’m not going to be there to hold your hand
And help you through what ever it is that you are going through.
I love you so much and I know you don’t like to see me cry
But I want you to know that I do cry
Because how could you still do the things you do if you know.
So tell me what I’m to do to make you understand
That I love you and I’m in love with you
And nothing you do can do can make me feel any different.
Never Want To Lose You!
The first time I met you
We were just cool
I didn’t see you for a while
Then it came true
Now i can’t live a day without you
I need to have you in my life
I want to be your soulmate, your love, and your wife.
I love you more
Then I’ve ever loved before
I would do anything to make you see,
that you mean the world to me.
the very first time I said I love you
I knew deep inside that it was true.
From that point on I knew,
that I was forever stuck with you.
This is a promise,
A promise to me and you
That we will always be by each other’s side.
A promise to always stay true,
to always stick together and never make one another cry.
You are my boyfriend,
but my best friend too.
And this is why...
I don’t ever want to losyou!!!
Untitled
sad
you live
you die
you love
you hate
Untitled
it’s big
it started minor
and grew bigger
you didn’t want to
tell anyone it’s small
for others it’s big for
the ones it happened
to you’re so scared
you don’t know what
to do finally you tell
everyone!
July 2003
Untitled
I’m not saying I love you, because that would be untrue
I’m not saying I don’t, because that would be dishonest to you
I’m not saying to wait for me, because you might be waiting too long
I’m not saying to go away, because that would be entirely wrong
I’m not saying to forget me, because I’ll always be there
All I’m saying to you is that I’ll always care
-- Ashley R.
Thankful
I’m thankful for what God has given me
And for my parents, who taught me so much
I am thankful for all God has let me see
I am thankful for my family’s tender loving touch
I am thankful for every breath I take
And every step along the way
Every move that I make
I am thankful for everyday
I am thankful for my friends
I’m so grateful that they’re here
It’ll be that way till the end
Thank God they’re always near
I am thankful for this rare happiness inside
I am thankful that there’s always someone by my side
Untitled
I have been on this road before,
I can’t seem to find the open door.
I took two wrong turns, neither was right,
I can’t seem to stay out of trouble tonight.
I hope I find a window, I need to escape,
My pride has been stolen, and my soul has been raped.
I am not proud of who I’ve become,
I’m ashamed of the things I have done.
I need to get out, I need to breathe,
I don’t want to stay, I have to leave.
I can’t make good decisions,
I’m in no state of mind,
Please bring me with you,
Don’t leave me behind.
I’ve been on this road before,
Please help me find the open door.
My Path
I went down that path.
I was following someone, only because I thought I
liked him.
But I was wrong.
I went down that path and I got my self in a lot of trouble.
My grades and my dreams were ruined.
When I was riding down that path I saw my family and I saw the hurt look in their eyes.
I saw the future and I saw nothing besides an underage mother who was
smoking and had nothing good in her life.
I really didn’t want that to be me.
I have finally decided to turn around.
I turned around and now I’m going in the opposite direction.
I’m going down the other path. It’s taken me a year and things are getting better.
I have seen all my old friends and now they’re just a speck of dust.
They don’t mean anything to me anymore.
I didn’t like their choices and I didn’t like mine so I did something about it.
As I’m heading down this path I see my future. I see me going off to college.
I see my new friends and their choices that I agree with.
Yet they do have some I don’t agree with.
They have good intentions so I ignore their other choices.
This path has its share of potholes and bumps but I have my friends to help.
I know they won’t stay with me forever and I know that I’m gonna have to go over a few bumps by myself.
I think I can handle it.
I’m strong.
And every day I’m getting stronger.
Yet I know that one day I wont be able to handle it and I’m just gonna need to take a pit-stop to get every thing working right again.
I have told my "friends" that I’m not turning around for anyone and I’m not gonna stop for them either.
If they want to be with me then they have to follow close behind or ride right next to me down this path.
As of now there are a few too many potholes and bumps and right now I’m dealing with it all by myself.
I wish that there were someone sitting next to me to help me through these tough times.
Well... for now all I can say is... Goodbye and good luck with the choices you make.
Unintentional Sculptors
Some are like clay
one touch and they are molded
influenced constantly by spoken pressure
I'#146;ve found that I create
them
unknowing
and they end up as predictable as the rest
each a malleable ball of grey
that
mimics my long kiln-dried form
but
when I found you, you
had already been hardened
and the design known as You
is so much different than mine
and I sit in my form, amazed
that you are so established
You add clay to me
and I place pieces on you
and now
now we can walk through the fire together
PLEASING YOU
I would go on my hands and knees
begging you please
if you could just for one day
say "I love you" for you,
no matter what your exterior!
I would go on my hands and knees
just so you could see
I’m only human, I feel love, hate, and devotion.
Must I cause a commotion to get your
attention to please you?
I’M GONE
It’s so amazing
how apart we’ve grown
so now it’s time
for me to leave you alone
We had good times
and bad times too
and all I could ever think about
was you and only you
And when you moved
it hurt me bad
not to mention
how I felt so sad
We finally broke up
I realized you was gone
so I decided
I was ready to move on
Then two days later
we talked again
and then we decided
we were more than friends
There was a time
we didn’t talk for a while
then we seen each other again
and couldn’t do nothin but smile
That same night
we talked on the phone
and once again
you’ve left me alone
So now I will give us
only one more chance
for us to make
our relationship enhance
After this chance
I will move on
and let YOU realize
I’M the one that’s gone!
Boys: a teenage girl point of view
I’ve learned that boys never grow up.
They follow me around like a lost little pup.
Later in life the boys become men.
They go through a new phase and start over again.
God must have put them on earth for a reason.
It’s just too bad they have to be here every season.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they’re okay.
They even make me warm and fuzzy by the end of the day.
I’ll learn to deal with them as I go on with my life.
Maybe someday I’ll become a fine wife.
When
When I was with you I wanted you to obey my every whim,
When you wouldn’t I went to someone else,
When you found out I knew that I had hurt you very deeply,
When we split up I knew it was only you that I wanted,
When I tried to get you back you said that you would always love me,
When I heard those words I knew there was a chance,
When you said I had hurt you too much I knew that I wouldn’t win,
When I was with you I was sad and missed you.
When I met one of your friends I thought that he wasn’t for me,
When he asked me out I told him I would think about it,
When I said yes he was overjoyed,
When I am with him I think of you,
When I think of you I realize how much I loved you,
When he said I loved you, I thought he was lying,
When he said he would wait I knew he wasn’t
And now when I am alone I no longer fight with myself but I find I don’t
love you anymore, and I am happy that we are still great friends
Your Smile
Your smile is like the sunshine
lightening up my day.
Your smile is like a rainbow
that has swept across my eyes.
Your smile is like a peach
so sweet and delicious.
Your smile is like chocolate
one look and you’re hooked.
One More Time
The rain falls softly on my window pane
Yet I see a glimpse of sunshine
Through the pain
The rain continues to fall
And my heart continues to call
To let love grow in it once again
The sun has come and shown over the mountains
A new day has come and let me sing
Of the love I have for You once again
Let me breathe the fresh spring air
Through my lungs and out again
Just once again
Let me breathe Your love all in
Just one more time
Once again
June 2003
Trapped
I feel trapped
concealed to this place
nowhere to run
nowhere to get away
not even for one day
those watchful eyes
always lurking, searching
awaiting my next move
leave me alone
let me be me
I'm sick of being told what's right for me
let me be the one to decide
what's going to happen
in my life
Skip
Skip my dog is fun,
The most funniest dog around,
Skip is the coolest!
Deep Inside
Please don't judge me by my face,
by my religion or my race.
Please don't laugh at what I wear,
or how I look or do my hair.
Please look a little deeper,
way down deep inside.
And although you may not see it,
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes the secrets lie,
behind my smile, I softly cry.
Please look a little deeper, and maybe you will see.
The lonely little girl that lives inside of me.
Please listen carefully to her,
she`ll show that she is insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her,
and show her that you care.
Please just get to know her,
and maybe you will see.
That if you just look deep enough,
you`ll find the real me.
Oh So Blue For You
Thinking of you
That's all I do ever since I saw you
Dressing nice just for you, and thinking if I am good for you.
Maybe I'm right, that I'm not the one for you
But am I right when I'm saying " Oh so blue for you"?
Asking myself why I see you everyday, maybe because
you have one of my classes everyday.
Trying to tell you I love you, but can't get it out.
OH SO BLUE FOR YOU
Just can't keep my eyes and mind out of YOU!
I Loved You
I loved you, and well, I kind of thought you loved me too.
I loved the sound of your voice, and you told me that you liked mine.
I dreamed about you, and you told me same here.
I told you one lie, and you believed me.
I thought you could tell that that one lie wasn't for real.
You told me we needed to spend some time apart,
And I believed that it was because of having a stressful time right then.
I believed you just as you had believed me, and took your word for it.
You told me about someone that you had met that you really liked.
I told you to pick which one of us, but then you said you liked us both.
I cried and cried night after night,
Missing the nice sound of your deep voice in my ear,
And the sweet sound of your laugh.
Then later on you told me that you missed me.
I told you I wanted you and only you.
You told me that you too wanted to go back with me.
Now again here we stand together again,
I made you make one promise to me . . . and only this one:
That while we're going together that you won't go with anybody else.
You said, "promise."
That one promise I hope you can keep, for if you don't,
I don't think I could stand it, being without you and being sad that you had broken OUR "promise."
I love you AGAIN and I really hope that you mean it this time!
May 2003
Untitled
I can only remember the very first time I cried,
how I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside.
all of my memories good and bad that’s past,
didn’t even take the time to realize,
staring at the cracks in the wall,
’Cuz I’m waiting for it all to come to an end,
still I curl up right under the bed,
cuz it’s taking over my head all over
again
Space
You are cordially invited to join me,
On a journey that will be out of this world.
Our home will be the endless galaxies, and our playground the Milky Way.
We will be able to spend our forevers star gazing.
For making the universe our new life, we would cut loose
From the strings of society and be like shooting stars.
We would now travel endlessly without fear,
For our fears would disappear into the black hole of space.
In this place we would not be escaping life,
There is nothing more in this world I wish for,
Except for you to join me in forever land.
If you know who you are and what you mean to me,
Then you’ll join me in a place of heaven, where two souls become one!
But instead of just discovering it.
We would be able to talk of anything and everything.
Pain
Life is like a needle–
stabbing you hundreds of thousands of times,
The needle is your problems
and you are its victim
Untitled
Every day I walk down the street
Just thinking of how to control myself
My love for you is so strong
It makes my world turn
You make me the happiest person alive
When I hear you nearby
My love for you will stay forever
Even when I am gone
I will look down on you and make sure nothing goes wrong
I love you in every way and I will love you till the last day.
Untitled
As I walk I feel
As I feel I see
But when I can’t feel
I can’t see
Breathe; Push
it closely breathes by
standing in front of love’s entrance
holds the
door open for cohort’s exits
believable
it still stands
by and by, we
take in the air
keeping it under mind behind frames
with lies just to
sort out their own happiness
of lies
anger
HATE!
THEY shoo love away
we start out from the beginning
finish finished
again
the limitless light
no limit
no
on the ground
bitter pills in my mouth, soaked with saliva of a loser
capsules filled with depression I used to try to end this story
as I spit
upon my plate of God
we got out strong
we beat you
I beat you
I stand
tall
don’t push me down
don’t
push us down
you can’t
push us down
inner strength
personal ability to be strong
stand together
open
doors
open openings
no more finished
don’t walk away
I’ve grown my
cradle
stand up for yourself and your belief
FISTS IN THE AIR!
A Best Friend
Someone you can confide in
Someone who’s been where you’ve been
Someone who’s there for you
No matter what you do
Someone you can cry on
Someone who’s never gone
Someone who cares
Someone who will share
Someone you care about
Without a doubt
There are very few
Special friends like you
TEARS
You see no tears
but they fall before you
Sense not my fears
yet they lay at your feet and my years
they breeze through your hair
like flashes of sunlight
and for all this inside
you’ve never been mine
You sense no unrest
yet it tears at your hair
my worries outguessed
but my head left etched
by the years of games you’ve played
and the hours of unrest
for which I’ve paid
and my anger?
it fucks like the devil
with a gun at its head
and for all this inside
I might as well be dead
Understand
Understand my troubled mind
Understand my aching heart
Understand my loneliness
Understand my emotional scars
Understand my sense of humor
Understand my need to cry
Understand my need for emotion
Understand my craving for trust
Understand my nervousness
Understand my want for openness
Understand my need for holding
Understand my need to try
Understand my want of happiness
Understand my thirst for knowledge
Understand my past, present, future
Understand my want for love
Understand my crazy life
Understand my personality
But most of all understand me!
Untitled
It’s funny how the past isn’t the past at all.
It always seems to remain the future, never forgotten.
Through apologies and forgiveness the past is the present.
No matter how sorry u.r., it’ll be thrown in your face no matter how much
U want to forgive and forget someone, somehow, some way there’s a reminder.
I said I was sorry, that didn’t last too long. Forgave him for
His faults, because he’s only human, a man, that is, it didn’t matter. In
His head there was only my mistakes and not his own, no understanding. So
I learned that forgiveness comes from within.
Was I really sorry? Yes.
Did I learn from my mistakes? Yes. So therefore, I gained forgiveness and
Realized the past isn’t the past, it’s the present, and will determine the
Future.
Can this be!
Can this be you, holding me, touching me, kissing me
Can this be you or maybe
it’s my mind playing tricks on me
Can this be you touching me in thoughts
You know can this be you or is my mind playing tricks on me?
Can this be you.
My angel
My angel are you really here with me or is it my imagination,
are you really my angel
the one that I adore and Charish.
Or are you the one
that I’ve been dreaming about all my life.
My angel are you there.
I can hardly see you are there,
are you there in the mist of the air
or am I imaging that you are there?
Oh yes, I see you,
there you are my angel
the one that I’ve been hoping and waiting for.
You’re finally here my angel.
Depression
When you are depressed you feel like
Everything is your fault.
So much so you want to put your life to a sudden halt.
You feel like the world and the people in it
Would be better off without you
You feel it so much that you know it is true.
You feel so shut out and alone to the that
Your depression has grown.
You hurt so much inside to the point you want to scream and shout
You would think that all that would end with a simple suicide note.
You feel so invisible like you’re not there
Your whole life could pass you by and you wouldn’t care.
People just think you are joking and going through a stage.
But no one is laughing once you are in that coffin case.
You put on this whole act like you are fine and okay
But no one knows you are hurting and you don’t want to stay.
(On earth that is)
LIVE IT
I learned to love, then I learned to hate.
For now I know my life is in the hands of unknown fate.
I have moved passed the madness and learned to smile.
I have moved passed the hate and perpetual denial.
One person changed my life from bad to good.
But that same person made me feel like a child misunderstood.
So I took the blows and I took the breaks,
And I took a step back when there was nothing else to take.
Then I noticed one fight had turned into a war,
And I myself could not take it anymore.
Life is too short to live it unhappy and cold.
So live it free, live it bold.
Let go of the regrets, let go of your own hell.
Live it, and live it well.
I let go of the hate, I let go of the madness.
Then floated away my frustration and then floated away my sadness.
Finally I can breathe, and again I can feel.
This is my life, and I have learned to deal.
Be prepared for the worst, hope for the best.
Your unknown fate will deal with the rest.
Lost
Sunshine fills the skies
As I look into your deep blue eyes.
And I wonder how I got here,
Am I really that far?
Is my home anywhere near?
I feel lost in the depths of my soul
I’m calling out for you,
My heart feels like an empty hole.
With all of this confusion,
And never the more.
Am I dreaming,
Awake on the floor?
Hold my hand and promise me you’ll never let go
Help me escape
I can’t believe it, have I really sunk that low?
My heart is broken
as it is hard enough to mend.
From now until the very end,
And yet, you are my best friend.
How can I feel this way?
When I look back, I remember
My skies weren’t so gray.
A photographic picture of you and me
The days back then, when we used to be free
I fear that I may or might not
Smile and laugh again with glee.
Is there ever an end?
To people’s happiness and pretend?
This must all be an illusion,
How dreams can bend.
I try and run from this nightmare.
I am positively sure,
Everything turned out to be
Such a blur.
There is never going to be a solution,
To a heart
So here they are, these final words.
From me to you, memories from back then.
How can I ever be reassured?
I will never love again.
broken girl.
My entire life crumbles
Before the very world.
Untitled
you ever wonder why people are just bitches
they say one thing and do the next
and expect you to treat them just like the best
cause they figure that they’re different from the rest
and when you speak your mind they get upset
and start to treat you like their ex
doing shit that don’t make sense
but everything they’ve done you’ve already expect
True G
He’s one of those vatos’ that can spit true game,
And when he kicks a line it never sounds lame.
When you need him he’ll have ya back,
He’ll grab his fire and be ready to attack.
He’s a good friend as you can already see,
When his time comes he’ll go out like a true "G"–
Untitled
We both have someone else, yet we want to be together
The first time around we said we’d stay forever
Do you think a second time will work? Will it be better?
All I know is that I want to be together
I can’t stand it without you, I want you to hold me
I want us to go back to the way it used to be
You were my first love, I regret breaking up in the past
Since you were my first, I’d hope you were the last
I miss the way you made me laugh, to the point I’d start to cry
I miss the way you’d do it, will you please give it another try?
I don’t know what I’d do without you, I miss your beautiful lips
Your lips were so soft, I’d love to give them a passionate kiss
Your eyes made me fall, they made me fall so much in love,
You’re just so incredibly perfect, you must have been sent from up above
How do you feel? Do you at all feel the same?
Or is the feeling that I have, just really really lame?
Do you want to hold me? Like the way I want you?
I hope you feel the same way, I hope you really do
I can’t wait until the day, the day we’ll be together
I’m almost positive this will be forever
I really can’t wait, I know love is what I feel and felt
Whenever I see you, I just want to melt
You always know the right things to say, everything comes out so right
I’d do anything, just to be in your arms tonight.
Don’t Act
Don’t act like you care when you really don’t
Don’t act like you’ll be there when you really won’t
Don’t tell me you love me when you can’t even hug me
I’ve been searching for an answer...give me something...anything
Won’t you please stop acting?
"I didn’t mean it that way, but you know how I play."
"I didn’t mean it that time, but you know it’s on my mind."
See, I try to work it out...I try, yes, I try
But it seems like you don’t want to ’cause all you do is run and hide
And that’s just you...that’s all you know how to do
So tell me baby, why couldn’t we just be
The best of friends and live happily
Well obviously we couldn’t figure this out
’Cause all we did was scream and shout
Don’t act like you care when you really don’t
Don’t act like you’ll be there when you really won’t
Don’t tell me that you love me when u can’t even hug me
I’ve been searching for an answer...give me something...anything
Well I wish things could be better, but it’s too late for that
I’m hoping that maybe someday you’ll grow up and face the facts
You weren’t a man about it
You couldn’t be depended on
You did things when you knew they were wrong
So baby listen up cause you’ll be needing me when I’m gone
This time you really bit the bullet face first
I always knew you would, must’ve been some kind of curse
A Dream
I cried last night
when I woke up you were not there
I reached out to feel your warmth
All I felt was the cold sheets
that you left behind.
I searched for you,
but I couldn’t find you.
My head aches
not knowing what went wrong
What made you leave?
I felt a hand touch my lips
and I opened my eyes there
you were lying next to me
Can We be together!
When I look at you make my eyes light up like fireworks
When you hold me
in your arms I feel your warm embracement
You make me feel so warm inside
Can we be together forever?
When you kiss me all my pain and stress goes away
Can we be together forever?
Understanding!
When ever I feel down or confused or sad all I have to do
is pick up the
phone and call you
even though you might not want
to talk about that particular subject
you always listen and take things under consideration.
You are always willing to be there for me
and understand the things
that I go through in my life.
Whenever you need me
I will always be there
to get you through what you’re dealing with in your life
all you have to do is pick up the phone and call me.
I love you
you are my life.
Thanks for understanding me!
You are mine!
I know that you will forever be mine.
Even when we are going through the
hard times and the good times,
you always seem to be the courageous one
out of the both of us.
When I’m crying you are always there to wipe my tears away.
You are mine forever.
When we are together,
you always make me feel
like I’m a princess and
I’m on top of the world.
You are mine!
Why don’t you call!!
Why don’t you call?
is it that you don’t care about me,
what did I do wrong?
I cant’ be without you,
you were my everything
When you don’t call
I can’t eat and I can’t sleep
without breaking down.
Why don’t you call?
I try every night to think of the many things that I did wrong
why did you up and leave like that?
Why don’t’ you call?
The way you make me feel!
When you are around you make me feel happy
When I talk to you on the phone,
I feel your embracement like your right next to me
The way you make me feel
When you kiss me
I feel like we’re together
And no one can take you from me.
The way you make me feel
no one can ever replace you.
I love you
You are my everything and will always be.
April 2003
Loving You
When you look into my eyes, tell me what do you see?
Do you see the star struck girl staring questioningly
Or can you see the girl who pours out her heart, her soul
And it’s all for you
When you kiss my lips, tell me what do you taste?
Do you taste my salty lips or the smile on my face
Or can you see past my face and reach my heart, my soul
That I give to you
Can you reach down far enough?
Will you promise to be brave?
Your best friend and I are tied to a track
Tell me who will you save
You gotta let me know, boy
What I mean to you
You gotta let it show, boy
That you’re feeling this too
You gotta let it go, boy
Tell me can you give your heart
You gotta let me know, boy
Should I even let myself start?
Loving you
I have a crush on you!
I’ve told him once and maybe twice.
Haven’t you seen what he looks like?
A gorgeous guy, a happening dude.
Very special, he’s never rude.
Everyone knows him, he’s definitely got game.
And I wonder why he doesn’t feel the same.
Can’t he see what he’s doing to me?
Running into him class after class.
Uncertain he’ll ever smile back.
Seeing his face in school and in dreams.
He’s way too cool, or so it seems.
On top of this I must be suspicious.
Never under thinking a certain little misses.
Year after year, day after day.
Only wondering, "won’t you come out to play?"
Utterly alone in mind and emotion.
Explanation, I wish there was a "get over it potion."
Untitled
I’ve always loved you,
Although you never knew.
I think I am obbsessed,
I’m sad to have confessed.
You are there for me as a friend,
But my broken heart you cannot mend.
I feel all alone,
As I sit here and moan.
Why did you leave me?
Why don’t you see?
No matter what I do,
I can’t go on without you!
Untitled
It’s not a poem, it’s not a story. It’s just something
that i feel I need to share with you.
I was adopted, but already a member of the family,my
sister used to be my mom and she took care of me for
two years then realized she couldn’t raise me.Out of
love my grandparents adopted me, so now I have a very
interesting life: I have had a brother and a
sister,grandma, a father and mother.
My family seems to fight a lot, but we survive and are
really close. I am a normal 11 year old now living a
life of homework,boys, and family.
Untitled
I was the one who was always outcast and alone,
The one nobody could call on the phone.
You loved me for truly me,
Why do not the other’s see?
They are mad because I found you,
And that you found me too.
They are so unhappy and cruel,
All those people acting as one big fool.
You stood close to my side,
When I was truly hurt on the inside!
You were always there for me,
When I needed you most,
You stood strong by my side when I was a ghost.
Although it took us so long,
I believe we will always stand strong!
Don’t Hate
You’re mad cause I let your man hit, girl you need to quit.
He’s telling his boys "yeah I hit that"
I’m telling you, "girl I got that."
So go home now and cry, cry over me
Because what I am you’ll never be.
You wonder why he closes his eyes every time ya’ll are loving?
I know why, cause it’s me he wishes he was hugging.
A guy has to be stupid to choose you over me.
I’m the girl he fantasizes about, I am the girl you wanna be.
You say you love him, awe that’s so sweet,
I’m the girl with who you can’t compete.
Don’t even try cause you know I’ll win.
Please no playa hatin’ cause jealousy is a sin.
Is Nobody You?
Nobody Loves You,
Nobody Cares,
Nobody sees you
When you’re standing right there.
Nobody wants you,
Nobody knows,
That you’re really a great person,
You feel like a foe.
You feel like a shadow that nobody sees,
You feel so special,
But yet so in need.
In need for a true friend,
In need for a true love,
Not someone who just pretends.
You need to believe,
You need to be happy,
But yet you want more than just nobody.
You feel if nobody is there,
Are you really somebody who does care.
You want to be able to give love,
Like you’ve never given it before.
But when you try to, You get pushed and shoved,
And you fall to the floor.
You feel so sad, alone, and unhappy,
Tears are all you ever cry,
Your days are always so blurry,
Even somedays you just wanna die.
All wrapped up in your own little world,
Your friends see the fake you during the day in another place,
At night you return to your cold and dreary world,
Where your true self you are forced to face.
All you want is comfort,
No more do you want to be hurt,
Open your eyes to this New World that you see,
And from there on, all you have to do is believe.
Then, to you, it’ll finally shine through,
There are people out there who do believe in you.
And you are not anybody that is there,
You are, were, and always will be somebody who does care!
Dedicated to my friend Kristen
Love Jess, from RI aka beani!
My True Self
Walking down the hallway
My fake smile plastered on my face
Pretending everything is fine, like I do everyday
People running by me, as if life is a race
I finally reach the room and take my seat
Sitting in my corner hiding from the world around me
The biggest thing I have yet to defeat
No one noticing as I drown in my misery
Everyone thinks I’m fine, not seeing the hurt and break inside
For I have put on my smile
They don’t think I need someone to confide
But my happiness is a fake, organized like a cabinet containing files
I leave the classroom and enter the hallways again
I walk, and look around me without really seeing, I am a zombie
Crying inside, the tears watering my heart like the rain
My friends don’t even know, they don’t see the real me
I give up, no one cares, I am alone
I will forever drown in my sorrow
I sit here and moan
For no one will ever know
My Comfort Space
The cuts, the hurt, the pain
Why does she put herself through this again and again?
Her wrists marked with scars from the knife
The same one that almost took her life
She hides in her room with the music playing
She will not come out to face the world, and their hurtful sayings
It’s too difficult, all the problems, nothing ever right
She’s disgusted at the sight
She wishes she could stay here forever
Not thinking, motionless, hiding under the covers
So much more peaceful than the world behind the door
But she can’t, for she is called to come out even though she wants to
Stay more
She must leave her comfort space
Join the people upstairs with a fake smile on her face
She leaves for now, but will return again
The Girl
It was a morbid day
Everyone looked where she lay
She looked so peaceful, laid to rest
As they lowered her in the ground, she looked her best
She used to be full of life
Until she was hit with strife
She resorted to the bottle, lying in her hands, filled with pills
It made her breath shorten, it made her so ill
She was found that night
Her family screamed at the sight
Death knocking on her soul
Why did she have to pay this toll?
Now they stand here looking down
Into the face of the once happiest girl in town
Her happiness was a fake
Covering up for all her hurt and break
There was no other way out
She had lost the vote
Now you see
That girl was me
The Father
He struck her down again
She was weak against him, he had more gain
I stood at the door of my room
And watched as he was about to put her to her tomb
Bruises all over her face
He left without a trace
No evidence to convict him
of my mom’s broken limb
He came the next night
Even more of a fright
He beats her down
And leaves town
This time he left a piece behind
For the police to find
They made the match
And caught the catch
Now he is behind bars, paying for what he has done
No longer do we have to run
Why did he do this? Do this to my mother and me?
For that man was my father
Remember
Your dark skin drew me into a deeper dimension.
I saw the beauty within, and became close with a higher intention,
An intention to take your heart of steel,
An intention to take your hand and make this real.
You looked into my eyes,
And instantly I was blinded by the light.
Falling so hard, falling so fast,
I want you and I to forever last.
I find that I care for you in ways I can’t explain,
But all this bliss comes with a price of pain.
A price of tears,
And a price for fears,
But I will cry you a river, and then build you a bridge to get you there.
I will gasp my breath in fear, then exhale knowing soon you’ll be here.
So walk my way, don’t walk on by,
Don’t tell me your feelings for me were just a lie.
Because my feelings for you fill my heart.
I can’t deal with ever seeing us apart.
Remember those nights where we had a connection,
When we showed the ultimate signs of affection.
Remember the feeling, remember my taste.
I remember your touch. Just don’t let those moments go to waste.
Tell me you want that again.
Tell me I’m worth it, and that I’m more than a friend.
My Issues
I have issues...many issues
From so much to choose,
I will start by most commonly...
Most of the time I feel sad and lonely
Many people say it’s just a phase
That teens go through it, and never stays
Well, soon I will see if that’s true...
Now for my issue, or problem, number two
I don’t like it when people hate
People work hard to try to feel great
Taunting and ostracizing is not healthy
Not for anyone, including the wealthy
Another one of my problems, so it seems
Is that some people tend to conquer my dreams
When I wanted to be a professional poet,
She said it wont bring much money, I know it
Well, that’s not so bad...check out this one
This next thing, I wish I haven’t done
I had tried killing myself twice, in the past
Why? Hmm...memories, they sure come back fast
I also don’t like racist people, what’s up with that?
I’m native, I keep my chin high when stepped on like a mat
Racist people have no idea what the person is like
All they do is judge what they see, like a deadly spike
I know I’m not the only teen to go through these
And I’m not trying to be conceited or a sleaze
But I have been worrying about others, family and friends
And I have not thought about my things coming to their ends
But now I have, I am opening my heart and my eyes
Noticing the things that are bothering me, not guys
Shrinks, parents, or friends don’t change how I feel
Its up to me to make the best of it, and to get real
So this is my story, my poem, my feelings and my heart
I could not explain this to anyone, so I use words, my art.
Thank You
No longer lonely, no longer needing to cry
No longer feeling useless, no longer wanting to die
All my negative thoughts, worries and feelings
Are gone, scraped off, bit by bit, like peelings
Taking it easy, taking time to think, clearing my head
If it werent for my friends and family, I’d probably be dead
You’ve kept me alive, with your kindness and advice
Next time I think like I have in the past, I’ll think twice
Without You
So many grey clouds and dark skies
In my mind a sad thought lies
When there’s suddenly no sun nor color,
what’s going on? My mind begins to wonder
Where’s all the happiness, why can’t I smile?
Finally starting to figure it out, but took me a while
My reason to live, my happiness and love
Im now with out, making me want to rest above
Above the skies, above this world and clouds, too
No reason to live, is how I’d feel without you
Dedicated To My bf, Chris
Things that annoy me
Sick and tired of people bragging
Bout the stuff they’ve never done
Acting like they’re better than us
Every other word is usually a cuss
Picking fights and acting like retards
I think I better send some get-well cards
Jealous liars, looking for attention
Doing dumb stuff, leading to a detention
Walking around like their kings and queens
These immature, self centered, stupid teens
Are so annoying, picking every little nerve
Sick of it, bout to give em what they deserve
A little slap for common sense, maybe two
Anything to make em stop, whatever I can do
They just don’t get it, let stuff be, and shut up
Can’t you see that you little teen, are messed up?
You don’t listen and you don’t have respect
Going no where in life, staying an extra year, I suspect
Just give it up, grow up and shut up!
Millions and Billions of Poems!
Millions and Billions of poems and still many more to come.
It’s impossible to only like one!
So many styles, so many choices
And still millions and billions of unheard voices!
I miss you
I miss you so very much,
I wish you were still here,
Everything is standing still,
I am coming to tears.
Just like a bird
We used to fly,
I wish we were still flying,
We used to catch everyone’s eye.
I miss you very badly,
I’m in so much pain,
Now it’s very different here,
You brought us sunshine and now its rain.
Where did you go?
Everyone has changed.
Now it’s very bad here,
Everyone seems like they are in chains.
Please come back to us,
It’s been so long,
Since we’ve seen you,
Everything has gone wrong.
Untitled
Each day I see you,
Under that Sun-filled tree
And each day I wonder,
Why you had to leave me
Each night I cry as I remember
That star filled sky
The Day you went away
That sad mournful day
You thought nothing
You only took one drink,
Then your conscience began
To shrink
You drank more and more until
You could take no more
Then you drove home
No one wondered why
You thought nothing of it
Your friends were just having fun
Then the fun ended, when it was a
Hit and run
Now the show has ended
And the sun has set
Now we all know that you were dead
People started screaming
Your friends started to cry
That is what happens when you
Drink And Drive
Sitting On a Stone
Sitting on a stone
I watch the world go by fast
And see everything
March 2003
Knowing
Knowing that you’re with me or knowing that you’re there
Thinking you are with me, or do you really care.
Knowing that it’s hard sometimes when you are not around
Needing you the most when I’m in the middle of my ups and downs.
And when I can’t decide my mind gets so filled up I feel you die inside.
You were always there for me when I was young
What happened to the better days when I could tell you more?
I feel that we that we do not connect like we used to.
Knowing that you were with me and now so far away
Will I ever feel the same the same way I used to?
Mother I know you’re there but why can’t you be here
I know that you are busy and don’t have time to spare,
Where was the mom I used to know?
And why did she turn away?
I will never know what’s in your heart or believe you when
You say everything’s gonna be alright.
But will it ever be?
What Happened?
What happened to my mother who always used to care?
What happened to my mother, why is she not here?
What happened to the love we had and long talks we shared?
What happened to the times when I didn’t feel so scared?
What happened to the mom I knew?
What happened to her heart after things got crazy?
Why did we fall apart?
What happened to the mom I knew?
The one who made me laugh and smile,
Now she is broke in two and there is nothing I can do.
What happened to you, mom?
Why did you run away?
Please come back to my heart and take this pain away.
Untitled
As I stare into the stars and the heavens high above,
I think of beautiful spring days and the summer nights I’ve loved.
I think of the days gone by and all of the days to come,
But mostly I think of me and all that I’ve become.
I’ve grown up from a baby covered with frilly lace.
I’ve grown up from that child with a round chubby face.
I’ve grown up from a little girl crying with every fall.
I’ve grown into a teenager and I feel I’ve had it all!
I LOVE YOU!
If you only knew how much i do love you
I love you but hate the way you don’t love me
I cry I try I’d die all for your love
I’ve loved you for over three years
And I’ve cried over three million tears
Over how much I do love
And every time I think of all the reasons
Why I’m in love with you!
DEDICATED TO RYAN B.
AND EDGAR C. FROM
BREANA E.!
Love
Love is crazy
Love is beautiful
It’s crazy and durable
It’s hard and doubtful
That what I think love is.
I Believe
I believe in the sun
Even when it’s not shining
I believe in love
Even when I’m not feeling it
I believe there is someone for me
Even though I don’t know if he’s right in front of my eyes
I believe in the moon
Even when it is hiding behind the clouds
I believed in you
Even when you weren’t there
But now you’re gone
And I’ve Stopped Believing
Because everything I Believed
Went away when you left
Now I’m sitting here crying
Wondering why you denied our love
Wasn’t I good enough for you?
Didn’t I do all the things you wanted me to do?
So I ask why did you leave me?
I still loved you even though you didn’t love me
I thought that there was no bad in love until you showed me the truth
But I thank you now for leaving me
Because I’ve found the paradox for love and it’s you
See now love I know the saying is true which is
If you love until it hurts, then there is no hurt,
But only more love to seek out.
Love
He killed me.
I died.
I am in a hell, which has no love.
He loved, but not me.
He is gone.
I did love.
I died.
I denied.
I hated.
I cried.
The song of love.
A sad song.
She sung me a song.
Aphrodite.
The Goddess.
I did love.
For he loved, but not me.
He left me.
It was him.
I know.
I do not know who or what love is.
Confusion.
Save me from my hell, which has no love.
Save me.
Aphrodite.
A sad song I am singing to the Goddess.
But not me.
He loved also.
I did love.
His words hurt me so much; nobody will see me again.
He will never see me again, so, which he declared.
Because he did not love me.
So this letter, I write to unknown.
I tried to show him how much I cared, his eyes were covered.
I tried to tell him, leaving was a mistake.
He did not love me.
But he left me.
I loved him so much.
Leave or Stay?
Should I leave or should I stay?
I’m sick and tired of the games they play!
But some of them are true to me;
I can’t just leave them! I won’t let it be!
All this hypocrisy is oh so wrong;
And its been going on far too long.
If I leave I can start anew;
And take myself out of that place called blue.
New friends, new feelings, and motivation;
But I’ll lose my best friend’s dedication.
She says it won’t make a difference if I go;
And leaving would make me feel so low.
From what I hear this place seems pure;
Start all over?
Could this be my Misery’s cure?
I listen.
All I hear are complaints;
My ears are ringing and the sounds become faint.
Now all I hear is STAY or GO?
I guess if I choose the wrong one, the right one I’ll know.
All I Ever Did
It’s the month of Love.
And yet I’m still stuck in that dark hole filled with coldheartedness.
Do I really deserve all of this torture?
You taunt me with sweet words everyday
It’s just not fair.
All I ever did was like you for you
And what you give back is nothing but a tease.
Will I ever be the same?
Though my heart is bruised
There will always be a place for you
I can only wish you happiness, if not with me, with someone else.
Confused
I don’t know what to do
Cause I thought I was over you;
But I guess it wasn’t true.
And now we constantly talk
And away I try to walk
But these feelings I can’t block.
You’re taken and I know
And these feelings I try not to show
Suddenly begin to Grow.
I push you away from my mind
But its hard cause you’re so kind
Am I wasting all my time?
Now I am quite confused
Though my heart is badly bruised
But its you I just can’t lose.
Liquid Pain
This minuscule salty teardrop has so much behind it.
It was created by pure, pure rejection.
The small taste of it bit my tongue.
But it wasn’t just that, that created this tear.
Oh no, its much more than that.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Now that is what got to me the most.
It hurts to hope for something that was never there.
And it hurts even more when you’ve just realized it.
But what hurts the most is when a bunch of false statements are stuck to
Your face and you can pull them away from you.
These words. These lies are what created this very tear.
And now they multiply, creating a puddle of liquid pain on my pillow.
The Two Angels
I want to tell a truth for you,
That happened in days of yore.
Two angels white and red,
Two angels came to Earth.
People asked the angel in white,
Who is the angel coming from the sky?
The angel answered, "The love beautiful.
I came to unleash a war painful,
And I came to try the truth."
I bring you all excellent and beautiful.
The love of God most powerful
I will be with you through weal and woe.
I shall live my life, until the wham of life.
People opened their hearts
For the angel in white.
And after this they asked,
Who is the angel like night?
I am misfortune to war.
I came to declare the war.
I will help you sow wind,
And after that reap whirlwind.
You shall have to fast,
Whether you will or not!
Go to the next world. Hearted people’s voices.
You are unholy. You are the founder of war.
You are full of blood. You are man of war.
Go back to where you came,
And never come back.
People love their God,
And adore their world
With flowers bloomed.
In My Mind
In my mind I can see
A perfect little scene.
Where snow floats to the ground
Like a wisp of cotton from a tree.
Where everything has a magical mist
Of a blueish tint.
My little glass ball
I turned upside down.
My very own romantic globe
With only you and me.
In my mind I can see
My perfect little scene.
To my best friend
I’m always going to be here
So you can tell me your fears
Never try and keep it inside
I’m here for you, so don’t try and hide
I only ask for one simple thing
Don’t try and keep anything from me
We’re best friends so we can talk to each other
And we can try and help each other
So don’t think I’m not listening or paying attention
Because I’m always am going to be listening
Just thought I would tell you I care for you.
February 2003
Forever, Not Just For a Moment
Love is forever,
Not just for a moment.
A lasting our lifetime,
Not ending at your death.
I love you just as much as
You will forever love me.
We will always be together,
Never will we be apart.
Time Me
A race of needles is held on the face of a plate.
Numbers of people are watching,
And sometimes they do interrupt it.
The shortest guy is running slowly,
And people care about him the most;
The thinnest guy is running fast,
But people see him as nothing.
The race has begun since the existence of life.
They get born, then age, then die as the race goes on.
The race is taking too long.
As people are staring at it,
The athletes get tired.
Some of them sit down and some of them fall,
Are they tired?
What about us?
-- Brian H.
You Weren’t There
You weren’t there when I was crying
You weren’t there when I was dying
You were my best friend
But in the end you chose her
The girl they all loved
The girl that was best
The girl who made fun of you because you were a mess
I stood beside you no matter what
But that girl said hi
I was bye bye
You left me for that girl
And now I’m crying
Now I’m dying
But you don’t care
Because you weren’t there
Untitled
You think I’m the way I seem to be?
You’re wrong, there’s a huge world inside of me.
It’s different from the real world,
Not black-and-white and not so cold.
I’ll share my love with you,
Will take you up where sky is blue.
So much of warmth inside I feel...
And it’s so hard that you don’t see it...still
You’re welcome to my world!
Change My Attitude
I don’t know how you did it, but you did it very well.
He brought out all my weaknesses so every one could tell.
The next weekend he called me up just to see how I felt.
And as I talked to him I said I was all right.
And as you hang up and I start to cry.
I realized you aren’t even worth the try.
My Reason
Reason for life,
Reason for strife.
Reason for birth,
Why I was put on Earth?
What is my worth?
To be me,
To be free.
React, attack, hold back.
Down inside,
It’s what I hide.
What I didn’t confide.
In a good friend,
One who I defend.
Who I send,
Power to BE YOURSELF!
You and Me
I love the way you make me sparkle, you create the rainbow blaze of light
With you I cannot lose, tonight is my night
Tomorrow is a brand new day, and hopefully it last forever
I know my dreams have came true, cause I am with you
I know we might not last forever, but I sure hope we try
If not I will always hurt inside
If I’m not with you, I don’t know what I’ll do
I’ll sit around until you say I still love you
Because you and me, I know it’s true!
Dreams
Dreams come to your mind late at night while you are fast asleep.
Sometimes you wake up never knowing what you dreamed of,
Sometimes sleep never comes because you believe you can’t dream.
And when you do it’s not of love or some spectacular feeling you ever felt before,
Instead it’s of your own demons that feed off your soul until you feel like you can’t go on.
And you wake up to sweat-covered sheets and your own rapid breathing.
But then there are the dreams that make you want it so much to come true.
Of love, happiness, laughter and joy- so many of life’s precious feelings.
Then night comes and tears caress your pillow because those feelings will never come
And you drift off to that magical land where for hours which seem like minutes,
you’re happy.
As teenagers we dream magical dreams and dreams that we want to come true.
Dancing was all I ever dreamed about when I was a little girl.
The rhythm of exotic music would fill my ears and move my body.
Watching Center Stage or going to a ballet even at a club would bring a smile
to my face.
But that smile would abruptly come to a halt as soon as I heard my mother’s voice,
You’ll never be skinny or pretty enough to fit into one of those leotards.
Would haunt me in my dreams until I let myself let go of the one thing I loved to do.
I go through life day by day and see the emptiness in people’s eyes and pain fills my heart.
It’s like someone ripped these young kid’s souls out of their bodies and it brings back memories.
Whether it is because of drugs and alcohol, suicide or abuse, heartaches or divorce,
I saw one thing that made me dream of a more logical and helpful life.
I went through many things in my short time on Earth and my advice is all I can give to these young kids.
And this time I will stand strong and ignore you.
You’re not smart enough to become a psychologist or why be around depressed people all day long.
This is what I chose for MY life, not anyone else’s.
So mom, you may have ruined your life and crushed my life-long dream.
But this time I won’t let somebody, especially you, stand in my way to help people dream dreams of happiness and the rest of life’s most precious feelings.
Remember When...
Remember when we first met,
Remember when you told me you loved me.
Remember when you said always and forever,
Remember when you promised the world.
Remember when we had our first real fight,
Remember when you broke my heart.
Remember all the things we had planned for the future.
Remember when I fell for the lies,
Remember how you said you wanted to be friends.
Remember when I said I will always love you no matter what,
Well I remember everything, everything you told me,
Just remember I’ll always remember when.
Hazel Eyes
Hazel eyes, green and yellow, brown and tan,
When I saw this guy, a fine looking man.
Never did I know how hypnotizing they were,
Until I looked deep into those eyes.
All of a sudden I heard these lies and stories
Never did I know how foolish they were.
Before they were sugar-coated, now they’re stale.
The taste is gone, I have failed.
The moment I looked into those eyes,
I knew it was a trap.
Those hazel eyes.
All of a sudden I didn’t know where I was at.
North Star
As I look into the vastness of the sky,
I know someone’s missing but who and why?
I ponder and stare, as I search in a daze
And I wonder if this is perhaps just a phase.
As I search, I fall upon a click of stars
When I realize I’ve locked my heart inside metal bars.
No matter how hard I try to get through,
I can’t bend metal bars so what can I do?
Trapped inside with not a friend in the world
My heart being tossed, thrown, and hurled.
I search harder but become blinder
Because I know that there’s nothing to search for or find.
But I keep trying, keep holding on
Wondering if my pain will ever be gone.
Where’s my North Star, my most constant friend
The one that should be here with me till the end?
So out of my sorrow, I begin to cry
But still can’t figure out who’s missing and why?
Even Though You’re Not My Father
I was told you were my father.
Unfortunately god took you away,
Before I could say the word father.
But to me it does not matter,
I know I had a father,
And I know that my father loved me.
I might not visit you often, father,
But in my mind you always visit me.
I was only a child,
But it does not matter,
I know that for my childhood you loved me so.
I take you white flowers to match your white gown and wings.
I was told you were my father,
So what if you’re not,
To me you’re my angel
That guides me day and night.
Secrets
She watches as you float across the room.
That beautiful smile,
Those clear blue eyes make her fall in love even more.
Her passion boils over.
She can keep this inside no longer.
She gathers her courage and her eyes meet yours.
She walks toward you
Your eyes meet
Trembling inside she takes your hand.
She whispers her true feelings.
All she wanted was to be loved by someone.
All she wanted was somebody to care.
But you took her heart and shattered it to pieces.
So many tears have left her eyes.
So much pain she’s harbored inside.
But she feels no longer.
No more tears will ever fall from her cheeks.
All you had to do was tell her you care,
Tell her you would be there.
But you let her slip away,
Slip through the crack,
Now she will never come back.
Searching Maiden
Longing, searching for he who isn’t there,
But still seeing him tall and fair.
Never able to meet,
But still she will seek.
She never said hello,
She won’t have to say goodbye.
But never saying hello never saying goodbye,
Leaves an even more painful sigh.
Lost amongst her mind the one she truly loves,
She will never find.
She knows her sorrowful fate,
But she still hopes to find her mate.
Searching forever for,
Until she lasts no more.
Untitled
A burning sensation in my throat
Holds back bottled tears
As insanity slowly takes over
Stealing my very essence form me
Cool winds chill my heart
As I am tempted to return to my icy prison
The steel doors and glacier walls seem so inviting
So familiar
For once inside I cannot be harmed
I can indulge in my own version of sanity
Only to have my key turned
And be locked in with my first step
Once again lost to you
So now a decision
Nothing and everything to leave behind
A moment to think of what will remain
A whisper, a sign
One step
Click
No final goodbye
-- res0vvvh
January 2003
The Art of Living
I want to fly…
cross over the line of weightlessness
gaze above and beyond the normalities of man
mold into a feather drifting away
take on the perspective of the world at my finger tips
I want to feel…
all emotions without a single thought
make every decison based on senses alone
listen to every note vibrate along the path of my veins
trust my intuitions as the way of life
I want to love…
give my whole to simple emotions
look into a mirror and reconize the reflection
express the actuality of actually living
remember memories as my greatest accomplishments
Untitled
You exist alone; without me.
Your feet burn beneath the forever changing earth
From roaming it’s vast landscape
For the happiness that lays
Motionless and patient for it’s discovery.
Still; I wish to comfort
All that aches from with in you,
But my compassion is the help
That you do not seek.
Tempting bliss (to John)
I hate to want you
Though I love the way you make me feel
Tempting bliss, very sereal
Every word from your lips
Sinks me deeper
I think im falling
Hoping not too far
Sweet irony
Left with a scar
With you I am high
Anticipating the kiss
Never ending sugar high
I hate to want you
How badly I do
Contenplating the moment
Lost in your eyes
Wandering feeling
Undescribable truth
Is this real
I hate to want you
Though I love the way you make me feel
For There I’m Just a Friend
Here you are
Beside me
Me thinking of you
While your thinking of her
I should of known
U’d end up liking her
For there I’m just a friend
A friend till the end
Even when you love again
so hard I try to put past
My feelings for you
and be the friend you want me to
For there I’m just a friend
Till the end again
Through thick and thin
But my feelings still remain
By the time you notice
I’m the one
I’ll be over and done
For there I’m just a friend
The feelings are faded
Now I have made it
Movin on feelin strong
Now in love with someone else
For there I’m just a friend
Your falling fast
Fast into my arms
Cuz your heart needs a mend
Here you are
Beside me
Me thinking of him
while your thinking of me
Now it could not be
For there I’m in love with him
and his in love with me
For now your just a friend
A friend till the end
Even when I love again.
You used me
You used me as a toy
Thinking that you will get want you want
Saying that you love me
But now I know it was a lie.
You were using me to as a dummy
To see what you can learn
You ruin the feeling that I had for you
When you wanted something
I gladly gave it to you
But instead of thank you,
You were using me like a slave.
It came to the time
You wanted to have sex,
When I said no
Then the next day you left me.
You left for someone
You knew that you can get.
But you know I am a free person
Without responsilblity.
Even though you were using me as a toy in the end.
Now who’s your new toy?
Undecided Thoughts
Have you ever sit and thought
And the only thing went through your mind
Was the sound of the TV and the rewind of the past.
How you miss that special someone that you just gave your last.
Sometimes I feel that the world is full of jokes.
My goal of life begin to soak.
As I think about it, the love that everyone never recommend
and the hurt that I have to defend.
The love I have to gain,
But to stop and think it was my thoughts given in vain.
Pit
For what I have forgiven
But not yet forgotten
I will spill my life
For the untamed rotten
People of the world
If it only could mean
My heart could be seen
As an inherent device
Of love and compassion.
Shameless and nil
My mind is still
Lonely at the bottom
Of the endless shaft
Lying deep and forgotten.
My eyes have gone daft.
Time Lies
Is it possible to overcome an attraction for someone?
Where the hell did that trick come from?
I wish he’d just stop lying to me;
And tell me that we’d never Be.
Cause then I wouldn’t have wasted my time,
And spent it trying to find someone that could be mine.
But it’s too late; what’s done is done.
When will I find that special someone?
Please Explain
I was too quick to express my feelings.
I guess I was too eager to see what love could bring.
I don’t think he realized how naive this sophomore girl was;
For she was too young to hear the reason “Just because.”
Did he not realize he hurt her?
His ego must have been as thick as fur.
But what I don’t understand the most is,
Why couldn’t I be his?
It Hurts : A Sonnet
I see his face everyday, and it’s hard.
At times he walks by … sometimes he says “Hi.”
These feelings in my heart, I can’t discard;
He led me on and didn’t say goodbye.
Is it not funny how I can hate him-?
But really love this guy at the same time?
He set me aside, my love became slim.
His heart was taken; I must have been blind.
And now I’m confused, a little bit lost.
I’m sad, I’m hurt, with all of these feelings.
How much exactly will this love pain cost?
I wish I could possess all that love brings.
I’m a survivor; my search will go on,
Maybe he’ll realize what he did wrong.
Love
All of how I feel now,
I may not feel later,
Because you take advantage,
of everything I give you.
You think that everything revolves around you,
but yet you lack to know,
that how I used to feel for you,
Is no longer there.
I thought that you would eventually come around,
then I found,
that no one can make you love,
and no one can force you to become a better man.
Once I decided to move on,
is when you came back,
but you still refuse to accept,
that I no longer love you back.
You were my first love,
and I was yours,
but you can’t think that everyone,
will put there whole life on hold.
You don’t believe when I say that I am done,
you refuse to accept that my love is now gone
but I tried to tell you that this would happen,
but now you really see what I can do without you.
Love is about making sacrifices,
and about the two,
not about one person,
who always tries to make everything “all good.”
What Is This World Coming To?
This world is full of disasters.
Some people seem like it doesn’t even matter.
What is this world coming to?
This world used to be filled with fun and laughter.
That was the past, but what about after?
What is this world coming to?
This world has been terrorized and destroyed.
This tragedy has deeply affected us all.
What is this world coming to?
America will get through this terrible time.
We need to stop with all the hate, and stop doing these very bad crimes.
What is this world coming to?
Many lives are lost, and many hearts are broken.
Everyone is losing their families and friends.
It seems like this world is coming to an end.
